Pieces of Me.

Park.

26/05/2019 - 14/06/2019

I end up in a park behind my building, where I'm sitting down right now on the floor.
I like it better I don't know why, I always have. My friends usually make fun of me and I say it's because we take chairs for granted or because I need to connect with the earth.
Who knows the real reason...

I'm writing, I'm bearing my soul.

The song "Let it Go" from Jess and Gabriel is playing in my headphones.
I can breathe now, and I'm barely crying.

I'm enjoying the warm wind for a change, I hate wind.
I always have so I don't know what's so different about this time.

I look around and all I see is memories.

Friendships that were broken.
Dogs that have died.
The pot has been smoked and vodka has been drank.
Relationships that didn't work out.
Music playlists erased.
Double dates forgotten.
All in this one park.

I see myself growing and changing, just like the crowds did.

I started being 13 laying on the ground with who I though was going to be my life long best friend and the dog I had at the time and taking selfies with my Nokia.

I remember doing the ice bucket challenge here, thats how we had fun at the time...

Being in 8th grade and hanging out in this park with a big group of friends a the boyfriend of my dreams almost every afternoon. This was when everyone had this bike and skate fever and the boys would build weird things for them to jump over.

Being almost 16 and fucked up all over a bench, just to look around and see the same eyes on my best friends and hookup at the time. Liking the euphoria but missing... everything.

I remember when I broke up with my abusive boyfriend and he wouldn't stop messaging me so I came here in the rain and I was crying so hard a lady asked if she needed to call someone.

Being in 10th grade and taking long walks with my cousin always passing through this park listening to avicci and not giving a single care in the world.

Getting drunk in this park and saying "I love you" for the first time, to the girl I thought I would marry, the same night.

That was in November, I haven't really been here since, just passed through.

Now I am 18, sitting on the same ground I was all those years ago.
So much has changed.
I have changed.

It's weird how so many of me have been in the same spot but then again I keep growing and my mom keeps living in the same place.

And as much as I would like to keep holding on to the memories of the feelings of happiness, joy, fun, love, protection, that friendships and relationships will never come back.
Most of them you know in your heart it would do you worse than good.

So it's time for you to let go.
You're not a little kid anymore, baby...

You won't forget them, they will always be a part of you.
But you need to let them go so they can set you free.

Right now as I'm writing this, I took out my headphones and Am just listening to the wind hitting the trees and the birds tweeting.

Once again, I needed this, to be all alone, to talk to myself to hear myself, so I could grow up, so I could let go.

I'm 49% scared and 51% ready,
But I know I have family who loves me, friends who care about me, who will all be by my side.

I will make more friends.
I will find a love that takes my breath away.

I've got time.

The other day I asked my father what I could do now that I am eighteen. His answer was plain and simple.
"Everything"

But so I can do that I have to do something first,
Let go.

The end.