11/11/2018
I was so mad, so hurt.
The tears were falling from my eyes like there was no tomorrow and I could feel the skin on my wrists palpitating. So hurt, so mad, but then I heard you.
"You hungry kitty?"
The sound of your soft voice paralysed my body and stopped my tears. The chest pain was still there but now warmed by your voice. How. You are the reason I'm feeling so bad right now, how is your voice still so calming. How can your voice have that warming effect in me when minutes before all it brought me was pain.
Are we okay now? Are you still cold and distant? You can't be, I just heard you talking to Shadow lovingly.
Maybe...
"_____."
No. The minute you said my name I could feel the darkness drowning me again.
Coldness. Distance. Anger. Pain. - that's all that it was in your voice.
Why? What's going on? Why won't you talk me? I need you, don't you need me? Am I the one who's causing you pain? Because you're the one who's causing me pain.
Don't you love me anymore? No, I know you do, you have to, please.
I don't know what I did, but I am so sorry.
Was it the dog? I'm sorry but I couldn't see him in pain and not do something.
Is it money? I'll start to budget more, sell something, even work. I'll stop doing my nails and start walking to school. I'm sorry if I spent money I shouldn't have.
Is it my grades? I'm sorry if my grades weren't high enough but I'm really trying. I'll do better, I'll work harder.
Did you find out about my girlfriend? I'm sorry but I love her, daddy.
I love you too, more that life itself but if this is the case I need you to tell me. I'll pack my bags and leave if that is what you want. I understand that it is against of who you are to accept me.
I get it. I get it and I'm sorry.
Is it me? Are you sick of this? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but I can't help it. I'm trying so hard. I'm not even telling you about my panic attacks, let alone the cuts and the purging. I know you are fed up, you told me more than enough times. I am too, I'm sorry.
I'm hiding my pain so you can live up to yours. But it hurts too much. Because you are right here. And I can see you, but I can't feel you.
STAI LEGGENDO
Pieces of Me.
SaggisticaHi there, how are you? I hope you're okay. Like the title says, this book is made of pieces of me, sort of like a diary. Each chapter has its topic, message and feeling. I write it as my life goes on, pouring my heart out, mentioning a lot of the...
