drowning (DISCONTINUED)

Chapter 5

namjoon pov

I stood there.
shocked.

why is he acting so cold?                                                                                                                                                     so suddenly? what had caused his mood to switch like a light flicker?

i sigh, finally getting a start at getting myself ready for this long day.
i am so exhausted already, and we still have a whole day ahead of us.

how is taehyung not tired? how is he functioning as a normal human without getting much sleep, or maybe none at all?

i realized i had been staring at my feet when i hear the bathroom door open slowly, creaking as it continued to open farther. i watch as taehyung leave the bathroom seconds later, closing the door and turning the light off behind him, only giving me a glimpse of him before the room was almost completely dark, only the shine from the full moon glaring through the window.

in the few seconds i had gotten to see him, i realize quite quickly that this was not the same taehyung that had yelled at me not even minutes prior. his eyes from the fast observation i had made looked red and puffy from rubbing, and still rubbing at them as i see from the silhouette that is lit by the light from the moon. i don't know what to say, as i try to think of something to ask him. i gap like a fish as i think before finally spitting out, "taehyung, you good?"

"yeah i'm good hyung, i'm sorry i snapped at you hyung." he glimpsed at me, and then bowed. i stood shell shocked for a few seconds before speaking.

"it's okay tae, but why? can't you tell me what's going on? us what's going on?" i question, my worry getting ahead of me. 

"w-well, uh, because..." he starts, but does not complete the sentence as he check the time on his phone. as soon as he see the time he mumbles some curse words, along the line of 'oh fuck, what the hell.'

he looks at me dead in the eye, and i get a little intimated even though i have lived with him for over a few years, and have watched him grow up.

"let's get going hyung, we are already late." he mentions, his voice dropping to a lower octave.
i just sigh and nod my head . he immediately rushes out of the room. i sprint to catch up him, and get confused when I see him walking  down the street towards the studio.
"tae? why are you walking?" I ask.
"morning stretch I guess... hurry up hyung we will miss the bus if we don't make it to the bus stop in time!" he yells at me.

*time Skip*

when we arrive at the studio, i'm still panting from running to bus stop, even though we had been on the bus for over ten (10) minutes

"t-tae how far is the studio from the dorms?" i ask through my heavy breathing.
"about fifteen (15) miles hyung." he says, not phased at all by the fact that we just jogged about four (4) miles in a very short amount of time

"how are you not tired taehyung...?" "i do this everyday hyung, you don't even know how long i have been doing this." he states, staring blankly at me. i hold my surprised gasp i want to do..

tae is waking up early, or not sleeping at all, he acts cold suddenly, he comes to the studio by running around four (4) miles everyday and going on a bus, and comes to work at the studio for extra hours. what is wrong with this kid?

i want the best for them all.
i love them all with my whole heart.

i don't like it when they hurt themselves.

 i want them to be happy.

i was devastated when i found out jimin had said  he had been starved himself.

i know, or i hope, yoongi's depression is doing fine.

and now i have another one tp worry about, because tae, is hurting.
but i don't even know how he is hurt.

i don't even know what it wrong with him.
i hate it when i can't figure these things out quickly.
i hate when i can't help.

i hate that i can't be a good enough leader to them.

i sigh and walk after tae to the dance studio as he told me that is where he said he is headed. when i walk in i already see taehyung stretching. my mouth open in shock as i see how flexible he has gotten.

he might be for flexible then jimin, and that is saying something considering that jimin has always been the move flexible throughout are team through the years. 

he was going a middle split all the way down, laying on his stomach while doing the action.

"how did you get so flexible taehyung?" "i spent 5 hours working on my flexibility every weekday for a few months. it paid off i guess, but I don't even think i'm that flexible. jimin Is still more flexible, and always has been." he says, letting out a breathy laugh at his end statement. i  can't believe what he is saying.

"i think you are more flexible then Jimin, taehyung. yeah sure, jimin is flexible, but looking at you, i'd say you are more flexible." i say, trying to hide my shock. he just shrugs his shoulders, continuing stretching. 

"oh hyung?" he questions. i answer with 'hmmm' so he knows i'm listening to him. "c

can you help on some english later? i think i'm pronouncing something wrong i want some help on it." he states. 

"sure. when did you start practicing more english?" "awhile ago now, i just think i'm messing up this one sound still even though i have gotten help on it multiple times, ha." he says, look down at his shoes as he stands, probably being embarrassed.

"of course tae. anyways do you want to start?" i ask.
"hyung, please warm up. you're old and you might break something if you don't stretch." he teases.

"taeeeee!" i say as he laughs. I

 i smile.
i love the sound of him laughing.
i love him.
i love them all.

(rewritten 3/4/2021 +3/5/2021)