drowning (DISCONTINUED)

Chapter 3

Seokjin POV

(edited may 12,2020)

when we got to the car, after namjoon scolded us for taking so long, we were put in rows. namjoon was in the passenger seat, hoseok, jungkook, and jimin were in the second row, and me, yoongi, and taehyung in the back.

i was staring at yoongi as he fell asleep on my shoulder, but then my eyes flickered up to taehyung. his eyes give of the emotions scared, sad, broken. but his looks give off happy, content, playful. he had changed into a closed book over the past few years, growing distant from us.

it saddened me, yes, but what could i do? i've tried to get him to come back out of shell again, so have the other members, but none have proved to work.

taehyung POV

i sigh out, mind running millions of thoughts per hour, drowning in them.

help me.

I feel like i'm drowning.

Am i drowning?

I can't get out.

maybe i am drowning.

fuck.

please, help me.

i want to be set free from the horrible thunderstorm going on in my head.

I don't want to be hurt anymore.

I don't want to be alive anymore.

jk

{not jk lmao}

i just want to be free.

have no problems.

but life said haha, no.

why can't I be like the others?

good at dancing? something i couldn't do for how many hours i practiced.

good at singing? with my voice? ha, never in a million years.

me, a visual? that is a very funny joke.

why am I so fat? i'm not sure, i don't even eat much anymore, yet my body stays the same.

chubby wubby little tummy.

i feel so bad for the others, they have to deal with me daily.

the voices have taken over me.

the hate I get had gotten to me. why can't i be mentally strong? so weak.

how long will this continue?

forever taehyung, he will always be there

what did I do to deserve this? everyth-

"taehyung were here, get out of the car!" jimin yells at me.

"sorry." I mutter quietly as I quickly get out.

i walk to the dorm, my thoughts coming right back as the silence returns. i try my best to ignore them as i walk to my shared room with namjoon. as soon as i close the door i start to think. i  want to be able to sleep tonight. will i sleep tonight? i haven't slept in awhile. if i can't, i will try to go practice my dancing so i'm not useless.

so i'm not worthless.

should i eat today? i don't want to pass out, that would worry the others.

worry them? ha, that's funny, they don't even like you. why would they worry if they don't even care that you exist?

i don't kno-

"taehyung what the hell are you doing?! can you move so i can go in?!" jimin exclaims to me. i turn to look at him, confused, until I realized i'm in the middle of the bathroom doorway. when did i get here? i step out of the doorway and let him go through, him bumps my shoulder in the process.

sorry jimin hyung.

sorry hyung's.

sorry jungkook.

jimin POV

I don't even know why I'm treating taehyung like this.

i mean i do, but it's so stupid. he looked hurt. all he did was step on my foot and now I'm treating him like shit.

I sigh, upset. "Why are you sighing?" namjoon asks as he sits next to me on the couch.

"i've just treated taehyung-ah badly since he stepped on my foot on accident on stage." i explain briefly.

"you should apologize to him, as well as he should apologize to you. you know how sensitive this boy is. he never means to do anything to hurt anyone or anything intentionally." namjoon explains. i sigh again, feeling worse. i start wondering about something as namjoon rubs my back to soothe me.

would things be different if we were dating?

would they hate me if i confessed to them?

would they just brush it off?

i guess i will never know

"you should go to sleep jiminie. rest up so you have energy for tomorrow. we're lucky we only have practice tomorrow." namjoon says to me like the good leader he is.

"okay hyung. you should rest too," i tell him.

"i will, i just need to keep an eye on taehyung. i hear him really late at night leaving the dorm for something." namjoon explains.

"okay hyung goodnight." I say as I get up to leave.

"Goodnight jimin." namjoon says. now I'm curious.

why does taehyung leave so early in the morning?

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what your favorite album?
mine is Wings

you are loved.