Two Hearts in a Cold Street

6. Encouragement

Normally, if I was in a good mood I would reply with a lame joke when someone said 'say something.'

I'd gladly reply with saying, "something."

But it wasn't the right timing to pull up stupid joke like that, not right now. Not when my chest felt heavy and I wanted to cry in the corner.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Thankfully I was back to be able manage myself.

"Geez, did you hear what I say? I was babbling like a fuckin high school boy who's going on puberty.." he complained but I could read humour in his tone.

"Sorry.."

I'm sorry for myself who stupid enough to think that Dean has feeling for me.

"Never mind, so tell me.. what should I do?" He sounded calm and collected, highly contrast with mine.

But I couldn't let my feeling take over me, it's nothing to do with Dean if I developed attractions to him. It wasn't his fault if he didn't see me as more than friend.

"So you like this girl.." I declared, trying to ignore how bitter I sounded.

"Yeah.." he quickly admitted, too quick for my expense.

"She likes you back..?" I was hoping he would say no but then my brain quickly stop myself to hurt myself.

I don't want to get hurt by my own expectations.

"I don't know, but we're still keep in contact. We went for dates, okay it was more like hang out but for me it's a date." He said, sounds confused as ever. Like a lost boy who wants to go back home and if I were a devil I'd happily take this boy to my place instead give him direction to go home.

"Did you tell her about your feeling?" I just needed to know how far and deep his feelings to this unknown girl.

He was in silence for a moment then answered, "I did."

I thought I forget to breathe.

"And?"

"She back away, but it's confusing.. because she said she doesn't have feeling for me, yet she still care for me. I don't know what she wants, her acts is confusing me.."

"Go fight for her love, then." I was surprised by my own words, instead of telling him to forget that girl, here I am encouraging him to fight for his love.

"Huh?" Even Dean felt little bit surprised too, I guess?

"You said you like her, you want her.. then don't give up. Maybe she needs more time?"I didn't know where I get that bullshit, but one thing that I just needed to do was helping Dean to get what his heart wants, to fight for what he believed the best for him. At the end, he did fight for his love.

I didn't want he ended up like me; being coward.

I could tell he was contemplating between his logic and his heart, because he didn't answer me right away. 

"Not gonna happen. Just let it be, okay? Let's say it's not my lucky day."

"But--" he can't just give up like that, no.

"Please? I just needed to tell about her to someone, now that I've already told you, I feel better."  

I would still want to hug him and comfort him even though my heart was broken by the fact that his heart aching for someone else. I know it sounds like bullshit, but if I was hurting for nothing, then it wasn't worth it. He should end up with her so my heart broken for useful thing.

"Dean.."

"Enough about me shitty love story, it's your turn now. What did you want to ask?" he's stubborn and I didn't want to push him further.

"I forgot." I lied, it was better to not tell him that I was planning to visit his hometown.

and as usual for one reason, Dean was never be able to stop pushing my button. 

"No, you don't. Come on, tell me.."

Me being myself at the end, spilling the truth.

-----

"Shit." it was Dean's first word after I told him I planned to go to Seoul next month.

"Yeah." I chuckled, trying to sound normal and cool.

"I wish I could make it back home, I really do." He added, stressing in his tone as if he wanted me to know that he's serious feel guilty.

"It's fine, I'm going to see concert anyway and meeting you could be a bonus, I guess?" I tried to lighten the mood, but not sure whose mood because mine was still sour and bitter.

"I want to meet you, damn." He sounded pissed, making my hope get high.

No, no. He just want to meet me as friend.
A friend.

"Me too, but what we can do if you couldn't make it? Work comes first, we know that."

I know how passionate Dean of his work, he's such a hardworking guy, responsible leader and devoted.

"Couldn't agree more, I'm so sorry. But I'll let you know if  I could go back home, it's not an empty promise but I'm going to try my best."

I found myself smiling on his not an empty promise, "There will be another day."

"You're right, but you've been so good to me, Char.. and I want to meet you. Really, I am. You're my friend, a good one. To be honest, you make me see things differently now. I see better in every shits has happened, thanks to you."

I didn't know what to say anymore, I really want to hug him tightly. Telling him how his words means so much for me, it makes me happy and feels appreciated. Though I couldn't have his heart, at least I still have place in his heart as a friend.

Because you can forget your ex, but a good friend.. they stay for life.

"I'm such a sappy guy." He blurted out.

"What, no." I corrected. I didn't like if he felt like it was a crime if he's just being himself, honest and vulnerable Dean.

"Yes, I am." Of course he wouldn't back off.

"I was about to say thank you for those sweet words, it's like one in million I get a good review from you. Plus I'm glad you didn't hate me." I joked, but not fully joke because Dean was always being himself; difficult, grumpy, sarcastic and 24/7 upset at no one knows what it is.

"Me? Hate you, why?"

"Not that strong hate, I mean something like.. dislike or you know-"

"I know, I have nothing to complain about you except you're the worst when it comes to tell a joke." I could hear himself chuckling, enjoying himself for making fun of me.

This is what I'm talking about, seconds ago he was being nice and amazingly friendly then second later he was back being a himself; a jerk.

"Hey, that's an insult!" I couldn't help but protest in my high girly tone, adding more idea for him to mock me.

No need more time for Dean to copy my high pitch girly voice, because second later I heard him say, "Hey, that's an insult!"

Just exactly like what I said to him, but before I could respond he added in his normal voice, too normal and serious for my liking.

"Hey, Char. You know what, I'm happy I meet you, thank you."