Smile For Me || Niall Horan

30: A Bit Of Love Hate

Loving someone doesn't need a reason. If you can explain why you love someone it's not called 'love' it's called 'like'.

"Hey," I say smiling at the boys as I walk into the studio. They all stare at me. My smile falters. "What?" I ask self-consciously. I look around. "Where's Niall?" I ask when no one answers. He wasn't in the room.  The boys all cough and stop staring at me. I hear the door behind me open and shut as the blond boy appears. We lock eyes. I could tell by his saddened expression that something was wrong. He tried to hide it by smiling though. He didn't hide it very well.

"Ready to start?" he asks in a low voice. I look at him confused. 

"What's wrong?" I ask him. 

"Nothing," he shakes it off and makes his way to the table of snacks, grabbing a water bottle. I put my hand on his shoulder and spin him around. 

"Don't lie." 

He swallows his water and gives me a look, sort of like a glare, before removing my hand from his shoulder. "I'm not lying." He pushes past me, and I look after him, not able to believe he was mad at me for no freaking reason. He puts his water on the table and walks towards the door to the recording room full of microphones for all of us. 

"So....should we start then?" Liam says awkwardly. 

"Yeah," I say weakly, nodding as I kept my eyes on Niall. "I guess we should." 

The man who was there to run the equipment and all that hardly noticed this little interaction between me and Niall. I kept looking at him through the window as the man talked to us. When he finished I walked up to a microphone and adjusted it to my short height. I took a deep breath and we began recording the song. Let's get this over with...

~*~*~*~

When we finished recording for the day Niall didn't even give me a second glance before leaving the studio. Not a 'goodbye' or a 'see ya later'. He just left. I ball up my fists as I watch him leave. 

"What's his freaking problem?!" I yell. The boys all exchange glances.

"He's just upset..." Harry informs me.  

"About what?!"

"Derek," Louis says. My angry expression softens a bit. I look at each of the boys and then back at the door Niall walked out of. He knew about Derek. I sprinted after him. 

No. No no no. NO. I am not losing him as my friend because of this. I catch him at the elevator. It was just about to close when I stopped it with my hand. It opened again and I got in with him. He looked at me with a pissed expression, and then made a move to exit the elevator before it shut again. I grabbed his arm so he couldn't. Then, once the doors closed, I pressed the button for every single floor so it would take us awhile before they opened again. 

"What's your problem?" he asks me. 

"Me?! What's your problem?!" I yell at him in disbelief. He crosses his arms and refuses to look at me. "Niall you're being a baby. Would you just talk to me?"

"Why?" 

"Because you're my friend and I don't want you to hate me." He glances at me. 

"I don't hate you," he mumbles in a softer tone than he was using before. "I'll never hate you."

"Then what's wrong?" 

"You honestly want to know? If I were to just tell you 'what's wrong' we would be here all freaking day! There is so much wrong Lexi!" 

"Is this about Derek?" 

"Not just him. I'm glad you're happy, and I'm glad you've moved on. Every problem that I have going on right now isn't something you would want to fix, so it's fine. Once we're done with the song you can ignore me, and I'll get out of your life." 

"I don't want to ignore you." 

"Ha! Really? Okay. Maybe when you stopped talking to me for two months I got the wrong idea, but I thought you didn't want me in your life." 

"Dammit Niall! Just tell me what's going through your head! Why are you acting like this?!" 

"I still fucking love you Alexis!" His words silence me. "I get it, alright? You've finally forgotten me. You can go off and be happy with someone else, which is good, but I can't. You're the only person I could ever be happy with, and now I've lost you. I let you go." 

"You didn't let me go!" He turns away from me again. "I ran away from you..." We both kept quiet for a moment. I watched as the floor number changed. "Derek's not my boyfriend," I whisper loud enough for him to hear. 

"Not yet," he mumbles. "Look okay, we aren't together anymore. Even though I seriously wish that wasn't true, it is. And I can learn to accept that I guess. But I have no right to get pissed off about this. If you want to date him then just give me some time, and I'll get over it. Maybe then we can be friends, but right now I just need some time to think before I can talk to you again." The elevator doors opened and Niall quickly walked out before I could stop him. I watched him walk away. I watched him leave. When he was almost to the door of the building I called out to him. 

"Niall," I say. He stops but doesn't turn around. "Just so you know I'm still in love with someone." I shut my eyes and let a teardrop tumble down my cheek. "And I'm not talking about Jake." I see him glance over his shoulder at me. I turn and walk the other direction towards the back doors. That walk quickly turns to a run and before I know it I'm outside crying my eyes out. 

I've only been in love once. I wasn't talking about Jake. I was probably mostly just in love with what he did for me, as horrible as it sounds. If he never saved me like he did then we would have most likely been just like every other high school couple. We would eventually start fighting, one of us would cheat, we would go off to different colleges, someone would move away. Somehow in some way we would eventually break up. My first relationship. I didn't know what love was then. I thought I was in love with him of course, but I hadn't dated anyone else. I was clueless. I'm certainly not in love with Derek. Who else is left? You do the math...

~*~*~*~

I told Austin all about my day in the studio and what happened with Niall. He comforted me but I was still sad. Apparently we couldn't even be friends now. Maybe if I just give him some time to breathe he'll be okay.

After today I had an urge to cancel my date with Derek tomorrow.  I didn't want to, and I didn't exactly have a reason to. What was I going to tell him? 'Sorry Derek, yeah I can't go out with you tomorrow cause my ex-boyfriend doesn't want us to date'. Yeah, no. Not a good idea. Besides, I hardly knew him, and who said we couldn't be friends? 

I went to bed early that night, not wanting to deal with any more drama. Claire kept asking me about the boys, and Austin sent her to bed before I even had to think about answering. I wish he could stay. He was seriously helping me, and I need him here. He's a part of my family. My very small, very screwed up family.

I curled up in my bed and shut off the lights. The moonlight shone through my giant window brightening up my room as I drifted off to sleep. Another night of dreaming. Another night of nightmares. Another night of staying up without Niall to help me sleep.

AUTHORS NOTE
awww<3 dude seriusly if she falls in love with derek imma slap a hoe >.<  HAHA JK IM WRITING THE NEXT CHAPT XD i already know what gonna happen  and you poptarts are gonna effing FLIP XD its gonna be hilarr so like comment/vote/and fan and you might find out the extremely exciting next chapter >:) hehheheheheh I CANT EVEN CONTAIN MYSELF RIGHT NOW XD ahhhhhhhhhhhhbdjskthbnckldbhy ok bye XP