Smile For Me || Niall Horan

27: I'll Be Here For You

When things get shaky don't close the book, just turn the page and continue on. 

When Claire got off the bus from school she didn't even give me a second glance. I wrapped my sweatshirt tighter around me.

It was the middle of winter with multiple inches of snow on the ground and I was outside in only thin sweatpants and a hoodie. I must look insane. She walked right past me and into the apartment building. I sighed and followed her.

After I got home from that little meeting earlier I just sat on the floor of my bedroom and cried my eyes out. I couldn't forget him. It's impossible.

I hated how I had to keep from showing and telling him I loved him. I just wanted to kiss him and stay like that for the rest of forever.

I hated to see how much I was hurting him by ignoring him. But I couldn't start talking to him again or else I would do something I would surely later regret.

I love him but that one stupid reason we broke up in the first place is keeping me away. Maggie. Ugh. I hate her for putting both me and Niall through all this. I guess it's not just her. If she wasn't here I'm sure it would be someone else coming between us. Niall's in a famous boy band after all. A lot of girls want him.

When I catch up to Claire she was already walking into our apartment. She slammed the door in my face. I sigh and re-open it, following her inside. I heard her slam her bedroom door behind her. I plop onto the couch, exhausted from the day’s events. 

My little sister hates me, I'm hurting and ignoring the one person I trust and love most, I'm putting off my brother, and on top of it all the media is about to go nuts once they find out about the collaboration between me and One Direction.

On the outside my world seems perfect. Living the life of a famous pop star. Look behind the surface and you find that my life is a hell of a lot more complicated and fucked up than most people see. I guess perfection is something unreachable in this world.

 I heard someone knock on the door of my apartment. I furrowed my eyebrow in a confused expression. I wasn't expecting anyone. I get up to open the door. I look through the peephole and see someone I definitely was surprised to see. I flung open the door and put my arms around my brother’s waist in a bear hug. He wrapped his arms around me protectively, comforting me. 

"It's okay," he tells me soothingly. I let him in and we sit on the couch as I let tears fall down my face.  "Tell me what happened." I try to wipe away the tears. I hear a door open and shut as Claire's innocent voice fills the room. 

"Austin?" she calls out looking around the corner. Austin quickly glanced at me. I was trying to hide my face from her so she wouldn't see me cry. Austin stood up. He blocked Claire's view of me and kept walking so she would back out of the living room. She struggled to look around his body. "Austin what's going on?" she asks, confusion flooding her face. 

"Claire Bear I need to talk to Lexi in private for a little bit. Can you please go to your room for a while?" he asks nicely. She looks him and tries to glance at me one last time before silently nodding and slowly making her way back to her bedroom.

I try to stop the tears from flowing but nothing works. I've cried way too much lately. I feel like I'm always crying, but yet I have never let Claire see me. I never plan to. She has never seen me show a sign of weakness and I hope she never has to see me in that state. I want her to think that I'm strong. I want her to grow up thinking that as long as she stays strong she can overcome anything. If she sees me break down like I am now she will never believe that.

Once Claire is safely in her room with the door closed Austin sits across from me on the couch like he was before. "Why have you been ignoring me? You can talk to me, Lex."