Chapter 16

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I woke up more depressed than ever. It's been a week since everything went wrong and I haven't seen Camila since. In fact I haven't really seen any of the girls. Mostly due to the fact I have avoided and ignored them at every cost cause they remind me of Camila and my heart can't handle it. I haven't spoke to anyone really, just when I have to. Nobody outside of the tour knows what has happened between Camila and I so to them we are still dating.

I decided to skip our break and head to soundcheck early. I picked up my phone and guitar which was in its case as headed to the front of the bus. "Y/N where you going?" Max asked.

"Soundcheck" I simply replied before walking out. I had been doing soundcheck without the others so I could have some alone time which is pretty impossible while touring. I just hope to God that Fifth Harmony finished soundcheck. I saw Big Rob standing by the door. I pointed inside and he shook his head.

"They left about 5 minutes ago" Rob said. I nodded before walking inside. He was right it was completely empty apart from a few sound and tech guys. They handed me my ear pieces which they helped put on and I plugged my guitar into the amp. I have been messing up a lot lately. My head has been anywhere but music which sucks and I can't seem to play anything right. The fans noticed my absent behaviour and trended stuff for me. I loved it but a certain brunette took over my whole brain and everything I did I just thought about her. I am still very much in love with her and I don't think I will ever stop loving her. In a way I wish I could just move on but something keeps telling me to hold on for hope.

"UGH why am I holding on when she loves someone else" I whispered looking down. I took off my guitar and and ear pieces which the guy happily took for me and walked backstage. I walked to catering, which I haven't been going to for a while, I normally just eat whatever is on the bus. I picked up some water and a banana and sat in the corner by myself. I kept my head down while I flicked through twitter on my phone. I didn't realise how long it had been till I heard the chair next to me move. I didn't move an inch and just kept scrolling through twitter.

"Y/N?" That voice made me freeze. I didn't move at all. It was the voice that brought me so much joy but so much pain. "Y/N please look at me, we need to talk" Camila said. I still hadn't looked up, instead I just got my and walked out expecting her to follow me, which she did. I stopped walking when I got to an empty room. She closed the door behind her as I sat on the floor an leant against the wall. She sat down next to me. I could feel her looking at me, studying me. "Please look at me" Camila finally spoke. I shook my head still refusing to speak. There was short silence. "Why?" Camila asked. Seriously?!? She's asking me why!!

"Because all I can feel is pain" I said finally looking up. "You consume my thoughts everyday but instead of making me smile it makes me want to shoot myself cause I fell for a girl that would never really fall for me, Camila I am still in love with you and the problem is I don't think I will ever stop. I can't move on, I've been trying but it's impossible. So please go and do whatever you want with Austin but when he breaks your heart please don't come back to me cause I'll still be trying to fix mine" I spoke before getting up. I looked at Camila one more time before walking out and walking away maybe forever.

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