The Silence We Fill | MYG

Chapter Thirty Eight

When it rings only to go to voicemail, I growl and call again. This time someone picks up.

"Hello?" A male voice asks.

I'm shocked for a moment before it connects. "Dr. Tuan?" I ask. "Why are you picking up? Where's YN?" 

There's silence before a sigh follows. God, YN must've hated his sigh. "You're not aware of what is meant to be happening today, are you?"

With that sentence alone, I'm hastily leaving the backroom. 

I hear a voice telling that an intermission will start. I don't really care.

"No, I'm not. What's happening today?" I have to push past multiple people, barely mumbling a 'sorry' as I go.

Tuan sighs again. "Where are you right now Yoongi?"

"Yoongi! Where are you going?" Another voice calls. When I glance, I see Jimin rushing over with a frown.

"To the hospital," I state without much regard for being gentle.

Jimin frowns, "The hospital?" He echoes before paling and stepping back. The rest of my brothers see us and rush over too.

"What- Jimin what does that mean?" It's growled out but I can't care at the moment.

My younger brother flinches and shuffles lightly, "Well, uhm,-"

"-YN has a procedure today." "Yoongi, YN is meant to have surgery."

Both the doctor and Jimin speak at the same time, causing me to falter in my usual cold act.

"W-What?" The question is much more quiet, in fact it's barely a whisper.

Jimin glances away as the doctor answers, "YN is in surgery right now. In fact, the surgery started quite a while ago. But I suppose she didn't inform you?"

"N-No."

Tuan huffs, "Course she didn't. Well, if you want to, you can come down here and see if you can visit her after the surgery. But I must admit. . . Well, I'll tell you when you get here."

"I'm already on my way."

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I don't know what I was expecting when I made it to the hospital. Surely nothing positive with the way Tuan had told his last sentence on the phone to me.

Maybe I was expecting something positive. Maybe I was expecting Tuan to tell me that YN was fighting, just like how she fought through everything else. Or maybe I was expecting him to just tell me she was in stable condition and things were going to plan.

I wasn't expecting Tuan to give me this look of pity. It was a look of pity that made me want to cover my ears and reject what was meant to be told next. Well, that wasn't necessary. Everything he told me was garbled, like I was underwater and unable to hear. I was just a deaf pianist who was missing his energetic violinist.

Thirty minutes later and I'm sitting in the hotel, holding another envelope that the doctor had given me. I know Jimin and my other brothers are just outside the door; I heard them shuffling outside and whispering about who was meant to go in.

I didn't pay attention to them, no I just minded my own business by staring down at another brightly decorated envelope. This time, instead of dorky insults, I see soft phrases that make my heart ache.

Things like 'I better be able to hear your rapping, Min', 'I really like your black hair, love', and 'I can't wait to hear you call me 'Sweetheart' again'. 

All of it makes my throat feel tight.

I actually pull out the letter, making sure to be gentle this time.

"Dear my Yoongi.

I pray this letter won't be used. It's meant to be used in only the worst circumstances, circumstances that you're now aware of. I hate the idea of it, you know. Leaving you like this. I just hope you got to play."

No, I never got to play. I wish had.

"Did you? Did the audience love you? I don't doubt they did, or would have if you didn't end up playing. You're playing is so beautiful when you're dancing with the music you make. I don't know if you notice, but you get this really deep expression on your face and you start swaying within in your seat while your fingers bounce against the keys."

I never noticed. But have you noticed the way you play? You're always smiling too.

"Or sometimes you smash the keys when you're frustrated or sad. Remember not to do that. Like you said the first day we met, you have to play gently and take care of your instrument. They're your friend after all."

You remember that?

"We've both grown so much since we first met. And I'm really proud of you, you know that? At first you were so afraid to get attached. You wanted me to remember everything because of  that reason. But overtime, you simply came to enjoy everything that came along with being partners.

I'm so glad you did. Because now, I can't imagine a life where I didn't meet you."

I can't either.

"And your playing. Stars, your playing. It's like a spell, such an unexpected spell. Do you know what I wanted to say the first time we agreed to playing with emotion despite how scared you were? It was something like this:

'Don't you see? They're out there, waiting for us! They sit there, all eyes watching the stage, wanting something more than a machine. They don't want simple notes, they would rather have silence. No, they want emotion. So let's give it to them Yoongi. Let's fill that silence with us.'

Cheesy, I know. But you make me that way, you know? Like how you're always making promises now. Keep making promises, yeah? But don't break them. Keep true to them. That'll always make people happy."

But I only wanted to make you happy.

"This letter is probably stretching much too long, I don't want it to last forever but at the same time I don't want to end it. I really hope that we meet again. But I don't want it to be soon. I want you to become a famous rapper and an amazing musician and an even better brother. Maybe you'll become a husband or father too."

A husband? A father? I couldn't be with someone who isn't you.

"I'd be happy with any of those, as long as you're happy. Please don't forever grieve about this. I don't want our memories to bring you sadness. Instead, I want them to bring you happiness and joy."

How could they bring me anything but joy?

"And Yoongi?"

Yes?

"I love you."

I- I love you too.

"Your Sweetheart, 
Kim YN"

I couldn't stop the wail that escaped my lips, nor could I stop the way I cried for the next hours.

End of Chapter Thirty Eight