Song: Ballade No. 1, Op. 23 - Chopin
To get a full sense of this chapter, I recommend listening to this song and then playing it in the background when you read ( When Yoongi starts playing )
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"Can you hear me?" Jimin asks to the phone in an overly loud voice, currently munching on some chocolate covered marshmallows.
I snicker when all I hear is Yoongi grunt as a yes.
Right now, Jimin and I are calling Yoongi to see how he's playing. Jimin had been the one to tell me but apparently Yoongi was the one who offered it. It made me strangely proud to know Yoongi had been the one to make the effort.
"Beer me a marshmallow," I joke, getting Jimin to laugh as he hands me the treat.
Yoongi huffs, "Should you really be eating that many marshmallows? Or, actually, should you be eating that many sweets?"
I chuckle, "I'm eating something sugary to make up for the fact that my sweet Yoongi isn't here." Jimin pretends to gag and I hear grumbling from Yoongi's end that tells me he's blushing but trying to play it off. It makes me snort. "But, at least I get to call you~"
There was more grumbling before Yoongi finally said, "I'll be at the hospital after I practice, I promise."
I grin, "You make a lot of promises these days."
My boyfriend laughs, "Well, since I've known you I've been making promises nearly everyday."
"Gross! You guys are so gross! Just play already!" Jimin complains, biting into another marshmallow.
I roll my eyes while Yoongi laughs, "Sorry Jiminie~ Can you forgive hyung?"
Jimin hums, "After hugs and cuddles."
"Fine."
"Wait, I want hugs and cuddles too!" I complain, getting laughter in return. I huff before gasping, "I know! We can have a cuddle party! Everyone is invited," I decide.
"Awesome idea!" Jimin high fives me with a wide smile. I'm about to add on but I'm not allowed to because I can hear the piano start. I give Jimin an over exaggerated pout, something he giggles out.
Then, we start listening.
It's muffled by the fact it's on the phone, something I instantly hate. I want to hear it clearly, hear every emotion that rings out.
I listen closely to make up for it, noticing how it sounds different from Chopin's original. There's something heavier, lonelier. Maybe it's the way that he plays slightly slower and I can hear deeper notes under the higher ones.
How can you even make such a sad song even more sorrowful? The song is with emotion, I realize. Yoongi is playing with emotion. But why such sad ones?
The piece itself is meant to be sad and many questioned what Chopin had gone through to even create something of such beauty. But Yoongi- he brings it so much more life. I don't think I like it despite how proud I should be. Because it's a life I don't want to see.
I hate the simple idea that Yoongi could be so full of such negative emotion.
It keeps the constant and slow rate until around two minutes in, when the notes become louder and faster - building up. It starts to gain speed, still a slow song, but sounding hurried compared to the rest.
The speed makes my heart race along with the keys.
I know his fingers skim across the whole piano by the way I can hear the plethora of notes ringing after one another - slowly growing higher in pitch.
The tempo slows down again and I gulp. From panic to simple sadness, it still hurts me. I hate how lonely it sounds.
Who made Yoongi feel like this?
I gulp, messing with the blanket in between my fingers as he continues to play notes that echo with such isolation.
When did you start to feel so alone? Is it because of me?
The higher pitched keys echo faintly, something I can even hear from the opposite side of the receiver. It makes the room feel even emptier. I don't doubt that the whole audience will feel just as isolated, even though hundreds of people will be present.
The notes start to grow again, as does the tempo, and I can't help the anxiety that invades. It easily courses through me, making me feel like I should be doing something more.
This where the violin would join in but instead a sad piano is left.
I can imagine it now, the bow gracefully moving against the strings. Yoongi would look to me with a smile and I would return it, the both of us moving in synchrony. I would lightly bounce and he would sway, both of us keeping each other company without effort.
Why can't I breathe?
Only Yoongi is playing.
I should be there with him.
Yoongi, I should be there with you. So why aren't I?
Yoongi's hands slide across the whole piano again and I know it's where the violin would overtake the piano.
Oh god, I can't breathe.
The piano grows louder and I can basically hear how his fingers pound on the keys, releasing stress despite how the violin would usually give a sense of comfort in such a lonely song. I would be plucking at the strings gently, earning a sense of playfulness that Yoongi would have been able to easily follow.
A choked sob escapes my lips.
I left you, I'm so sorry.
Rich yet high notes would pierce the air, courtesy of the violin while the piano would play right along yet much more softly. But they aren't, no the piano is being abused by Yoongi who seems to be screaming for help - for anyone because I'm not there to comfort him.
I made you feel this way.
The violin is meant to exist with the piano yet the piano lives alone, only able to echo dull sounds and notes.
I feel like I'm gasping for air despite knowing it's not true. But I can hear the violin so clearly, picture the two of us so clearly. The way we would basically fight for the spotlight despite knowing we were on the same team. The way we would grin and laugh silently, not wanting to disturb each others playing and the audience's listening.
When I snap into reality, that's not what I'm hearing. All I can hear is Yoongi weeping with the piano in the form of music.
The violin isn't playing anymore, why isn't the violin playing anymore?
I ask despite knowing that the violin wasn't truly playing in the first place. This is meant to be the place where the violin isn't even playing anymore, whether in a solo or duo orchestra.
High notes with an underlying sound of deep ones create another panicked session. I can feel it- I can feel the panic.
I want the violin back- I just want the happy notes back.
His fingers are still pounding at the keys and I can hear the sound of him moving. He's chasing the keys, not playing with them. The piano hasn't been his friend, even if it was he'd be hurting it in trying to claw for some sense of ease.
Another sob escapes and my vision grows blurry with tears.
I wasn't supposed to leave you, I'm sorry! I was meant to remember everything for you!
One last skid of all the notes before suddenly there's only two keys being played, dull now compared to the panic. It feels even more lonely, like the panic was better than the simple acceptance that you're without someone.
Yoongi ends the piece with ringing notes, panting from the exertion of the piece.
Then I hear it: A sob that escapes from not me but Yoongi himself.
"Love, I'm so sorry," I whisper with my own tears as Yoongi starts to cry in the empty room, alone with his piano.
End of Chapter Thirty Seven
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The Silence We Fill | MYG
Fanfiction"Don't you see? They're out there, waiting for us! They sit there, all eyes watching the stage, wanting something more than a machine. They don't want simple notes, they would rather have silence. No, they want emotion. So let's give it to them Yoon...
