Not your everyday Wedding (Yemeni)

Hug

*kinda disturbing near the end. Don't report. You have been warned.*

I start swatting the air with my right hand trying to get rid of it. It moves with away from my movements but then comes back. I start getting angry and swat harder then suddenly Ahmed grabs my right hand and intertwines it with his left. If I wasn't this angry and bothered then I would have bushed. I give him a confused look but he stairs straight ahead continuing his conversation.

I look down and notice two flies now. He might have my right hand in his but I still have my left hand freed. I use my left hand to try to swat the flies away but this time Zack stops me by taking my left hand. He doesn't intertwine our hands like Ahmed did but instead holds is firmly. He too Ignores me and continues eating and talking casually. This makes me angry.

I stand up and hank my hands free. "Im not crazy!" I scream as I stomp out of the room. Somebody follows behind but I don't look at who it is. I walk around for a minute till I enter one of the rooms and close the door. This one has a bed, only then do I realize how sleepy I am. Ahmed opens the door and walks in with a worried expression.

"No one said you're crazy." He says calmly.

"You
don't have to say it but I know that's what y'all were probably thinking." I say a little louder than I should've. I can't contain my anger sometimes but it's not my fault when they're the ones making me angry.

"You know sometimes it's really hard to understand you. It's kinda cute." He says with a little chuckle. I understood what he meant because like I said before our types of Arabic are different, but my mind is playing tricks on me telling me that he's saying this so he can change the subject which makes me angrier. I give him a stare indicating that I'm angry. "Okay okay! I'm sorry but really can you repeat what you said."

"I'm not crazy." I saw with a whisper. "I can't control myself and what I see. And I know you didn't say I'm crazy but you probably have thought it. But I'm not!" I say a little louder. "You don't know how hard it is living like this, living like me."

"Your right." He pauses then continues. "I don't know what it's like to be you." (damn this sounds like a Shawn Mendes song). He says as he steps closer. "Teach me. Tell me your problems. Help me understand you. Use me."

I start crying; his words have an affect on my heart. "I want to use you. I really want to use somebody(here we go another Shawn Mendes song) but I can't and plus you won't even understand." He walks even closer, eventually embracing me in a hug.

"I really care for you. I don't think your crazy at all, but you do worry me a lot. And I'm sorry for hurting you in the past. I'm just so accustomed to everything being a certain way that I didn't really think much about your decision." He says and I feel tears land on my shoulder.

Oh shit!

I hate seeing men cry. I push him a bit and break the hug. "Stop crying." I yell at him. "Why are you crying?! Arghh! Men aren't supposed to cry."

I am terrible at comforting people. Like really terrible. But he does chuckle a bit at my attempt.

"I really do feel bad. I won't ever hurt you or touch you again...unless you want me to." He says as his tears start to go away and he hugs me again. This time rubbing my back. No one has ever showed me this type of affection so I just stand there dumbfounded.

We stay hugging for a minute or two til I yawn.  "You wanna sleep?" He asks and I shyly nod my head. He smiles and leads me to the bed. "Here you can sleep for awhile til the rain goes away, then I'll wake you up."

I get on the bed and pull the covers over my body. I feel so lonely. I'm used to sleeping with one of my older sisters whenever I'm in a bad mood.

As Ahmed makes his way to leave the room I stop him. "Hey...um you look tired too..do you wanna sleep?" I ask him.

He gives me a confused look before he replies. "Yeah I'm gonna head to another room that has a bed and try to get some sleep there." He says as he puts his hand on the handle.

"Wait um..do you want to sleep with me here?" I ask. He gives me a questionable look as if he can't believe what I'm saying. He looks angry too.

"Are you joking around Or is this a test?" He ask as he walks closer toward he bed.

"No I'm not kidding!l" I say. "I'm kinda lonely and don't want to sleep alone." I admit. He is still giving me a questionable look as he walks closer.

"What type of sleep do you mean."

"I don't mean like you know that type of sleep." I stutter. "Just sleep sleep." I say not knowing how to say intercourse in Arabic.

He gives me a confused smirk like smile as he climbs on the bed. "Are you sure?" He ask. "I'm not saying I won't be able to control myself because I can but I don't want you to feel like you have to do this."

I give him a small smile as he positions himself to my left. I then turn to my right so that my back is aligned with his chest. "I'm sure." I say as I lay my head down and put my hand between my inner thighs.

*you see guys I have lots of problems and I decided that I don't have to hold them in. I have every right to write down the thoughts that I had and reasons for my actions.

Im not saying hat you guys are stopping me or anything. All honesty I'm the only one stopping myself. I have skipped so much scenes that are very important just because I'm embarrassed but then I talked myself out of it.

You guys can't judge me. I mean you can but it won't mean much since your not saying to my face. And I know it's fucked up so even if y'all judge me I'll just judge me along with y'all.

Okay and the story continues*

Like I said before I've been hurt and touched by my father as a kid. Since I was six and during our daily kindergarten nap time, I touched myself. I used to think it was the only way I would be able to fall asleep since most of these crimes occurred at night. I continued to touch myself until I turned 9 and realized it was wrong. My father had stopped touching me a year before that because my older sister threatened to tell on him because he had touched her too. But that wasn't the end of it since he touched me years later but that's for another chapter.

But even though I didn't touch myself anymore I felt empty and kept my hand in between my thighs.

As I tried to fall asleep I still felt lonely and wanted more so I slowly turned my head toward Ahmed. "Can you hug me?" I asked. He seem hesitant before he smiled and said yes as he put his arms around me.

*~*

Finally!!!!

I've been wanting to write this chapter and the next one for so long but haven't had the time and energy but I finally did it.

It's been a crazy week with my mental health and all but I'm finally better. Alhamdullah

I hope y'all are ready we're reaching Mid Sha'aban soon then 15 more days til Ramadan.

Oh and I've been taking a huge liking of Billie Eilish these past few days and I think I'm in love.

I gave Kpop a chance and fell in love with this group called PLT and Villain. I'm happy to conclude that that fan girl in me is over them. You guys don't understand how hard it is to be a fan girl. My sister who is a bts fan made it look easy but I learned that I had to memorize their bdays and check up on them every 3 minutes and that life just isn't for me. I have a couple of their English songs and a few Korean that I skip whenever they pop up in my playlist. But I feel like I gave my sister a new group to fangirl over while bts is busy.

Okay that's all love y'all!!