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Just friends

It's weird how as much as I want to hate someone with all my heart,, I just can't. As much as he has hurt me and continues to hurt me, my love for him doesn't change.

I wish I could hate him, I wish I could hate his guts, but I can't. And that's the sad part because i know I deserve better than a cold hearted monster. But the heart wants what it wants.

Chanyeol is my best friend I love him dearly. He's the perfect boyfriend, he's loyal, caring, friendly, respectful. I hope my heart can get used to loving him.

As much as I hate waking up everyday and seeing Jungkook's face I continue to do so. Well I don't have a choice really. And now as Chanyeol left for Japan I'm even more lonelier.

Joon has been also busy with his music and so are the other members.

It's our last practice day and I'm excited to get it over with. To be honest the collab turned out better than I though, I just hope the fans like it.

When we finish our practice I go to my bag and take a bottle of water out. My hands are shaking so much that I end up dropping it on the floor and spilling it everywhere.

"Shit" I whisper under my breath.

I go into the janitor's closet and look for a mop. While I'm distracted I hear the door close behind me. I instantly turn around and Jungkook is standing centimeters away from me.

"... What are you doing?" I ask trying to back away from him. But unfortunately the room is so small I can't even take a step back.

He leans closer toward me until our bodies are pressing on each other.

"I miss you... I miss your lips... your body your touch the way you wake me up in the morning the way you sing to me I miss us I miss you so damn much Y/n... " he whispers

"Funny you say all of that... yet you have a girlfriend. And I remembered you said something different at my birthday party." I try to jog his memory.

"I was drunk I didn't mean anything I said." He says.

"Loo-" I begin but I'm interrupted by my phone ringing.

Chanyeol...

"Don't say a word" I tell Jungkook before picking up the phone.

"Peanut what are you doing?"

"Oh nothing I'm at home resting"  I say while eyeing Jungkook. He raises a brow at me, trying not to laugh.

"I just wanted to hear your voice before I go on stage. I'll leave you to rest. I love you. " He says sweetly.

"I love you too baby! Good luck!" I say and quickly hang up

"Lying to your boyfriend I see.."

"Shut uo Jungkook im not in the mood right now." I say angrily.

As close as we are Jungkook somehow manages to get closer to me every passing second.

"I know you still love my touch." He says while he touches my arm and moves down to my waist which gives me shivers all over my body. It's crazy how his touch does wonders to me. He takes another step forward.

"Jungkook s-stop." I manage to say

"I still have that effect on you." He says softly.

I hate how cocky he is and how this makes his ego rise. I close my eyes as he comes closer and I feel his hot breath on my neck.

He begins kissing my neck leaving little love bites. I bite my tongue trying not to moan but when he reaches my jaw I couldn't help it anymore. 

Eventually I get a hold of myself and push him off of me and run out of the closet. I grab my phone and decide to text Tae to get me out of here.

I grab my bags as fast as I can and leave the practice room. As I leave I hear jungkook laughing.

I can't believe what just happened. This calls for war.

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So 2019 is almost to an end

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So 2019 is almost to an end... and this year has been a bit fucked up. Especially these past few months. Also I've realized that men really are trash. I don't know how many times I have to be hurt and disappointed in someone until I realize it.

The guy that I've been friends with for over three years moved away and it hasn't been a week and he's already forgotten about me.

Honestly I hope this year is much much better. I hope it has less stress and more happiness and love.

2019 thought me a lot of things about life. I hope 2020 gives me lots of health and happiness. I wish that for everyone!
Stay safe and I'm sorry I haven't been updating as I promised but my time has been consumed with biology and chemistry mostly :((

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