Lollypop

6

 I went into the room and left things on the bed. Through the window I looked a city that looked like a completely foreign place, not as the capital of my district. My dream was broken (lucky that tomorrow we have a break) and feelings mixed, I don't know if I'm empty or I'm screaming inside. I took a blue blouse off, left it on the bed and looked in the mirror near the door. Then I took off and the blouse with long sleeves, black like this night, remaining in the undershirt. The scars they were talking about didn't seem so horrible, on the contrary, I got used to this scene. In order not to make stains on the floor I went to the bathroom, along with the new blade. The difference between sharp and dull blade is that with dull it hurts less and requires more pressure to cut , but it also knows to be dangerous sometimes, while new and sharply loses its sharpness after second use, but it spreads a wound which usually means more blood. As some people open a bottle of drink at special moments, by that I mean wine and champagne, that's how I open the blade . One wound, two, three. .. There is no more ban, soon it is over. The deepest becomes dark red after some time, the blade has damaged the vein. Many think that a single surface cut damages a vein and person dies of it. No, a vein is not so shallow (it may be directly on the wrist , but not above on the person of average weight), and doesn't bleed so much that it can't be kept under control (that is how it is with me, some other people might have a problem with that). The artery is, on the other hand lethal, it pumps a brighter blood in large quantities and under greater pressure, so death occurs in a few minutes. Some call it anatomy, I call it life or death.

 I felt asleep on the floor, covered in blood. Coldness woke me up, so I decided to wash off the coagulated blood and go back to sleep as today we have no challenge, wanting to enjoy peace and quiet. Morning.

 In order not to meet someone I decided to eat later if there is a chance. If not it's not the first time that I don't take food whole day, it's nothing terrible. I would at least want to be able to go somewhere for a walk later, but this way is good too.

 Blackberry came around twelve, trying not to be seen by anyone, making sure everything was all right as I promised it would be. She said that some people were asking for me but she didn't tell them where I was, then left and carefully went to the second floor. I didn't bother much about tomorrow's victory or defeat, I will do my best and what will be- will be.

 Evening started to fall, I was no longer hungry, in any case I listened to music, looked out the window and thought all day. What a boring day; apart from music, my guide, this would be one of those terribly boring days in my life. Not knowing who was in the room next to mine I sang what was in my head that moment: "I tried so hard and got so far, in the end it doesn't even matter ..." It's sad when in the song you sing something from the soul, when you mention your end, but nobody else takes you seriously. My own songs will probably be thrown, I don't have the courage to imagine it, it hurts too much from within. Another earthly dream for me, before the new dawn comes with new troubles.

 I got up early, deciding to fulfill myself the desire to eat whatever I want. Odd, I wanted to eat vegetables, a piece of cheese and pasta, and for dessert two coconut cookies. The younger one would probably have took bunch of things, but this me learned to be moderate. I'm glad for it, the food was made to make us full and give us energy, no need to overeat, there is one more day left for me and I don't have to exaggerate.

 A group of a few of them saw me when I was back. Pear (to me): "Just to know, I didn't say that ...." Me: "I know, I know who it is and I have fixed it, but nothing else matters - it doesn't matter who knows what, who says what. It's all the same. I am sick of words. Don't worry about it, it's just my life, it's not something important.  I didn't see any of you for a years, we don't know each other so good to talk about what is happening behind closed doors. Why would I be interested in whether some of you, for example, takes traffic signs from the highways in the middle of the night, or plans to rob a bank, or to hold the dead squirrels in the house? It's not something I want to interfere with, so don't pay attention to my problem either. "Apricot: "Maybe she's right, we do not have to interfere. " Me: "There, we cleared that up." Quince: "So it's true, as soon as you don't deny it?" I: "... Here we go. Yes, it is true, I point out once again that this is a very private thing, I don't want to talk about it or that someone is looking at me differently because of it. I am a person like any other , there's no need for any more gossip. Excuse me now, I'm going for my stuff, we're about to leave soon. "