All The Memories That We Made [Completed]

Warmth

She looks up, confused. A frown appears on her forehead, and she looks at me long and hard.

'That's it?' She asks.

I shake my head and close the journal. 'This is my first journal. I had to work hard to put it all into words. I had to ask and ask, to find some memories that I couldn't remember, until it feels like I 'was' there, a little baby, looking at my Mum'.

She gives me a blank look.
I heave a sigh, 'I put all the happy memories in one book. Sometimes I read this journal and pretend that It finishes there. I take out the bad memories, and write the happy ones over and over again. It sort of helps. Makes sense?'.

She smiles a little. An understanding smile. Warmth comes inside me. Ellie has a beautiful smile. I have to admit.

'I like little Sarah'. She says, 'She reminds me of Sarah Crew, though I'm not really sure why'.

'Sarah Crew?'.

She raises her eyebrows, 'You haven't read A Little Princess?'.

'Nope'.

She pushes some strands of hair out of her eyes. I put my legs on a pillow, my toes twitching, expecting her to tell me to read it. She doesn't.

'You didn't liked your Dad?'.

I lean forward, folding my arms. 'What makes you say that?'.

She smirks, 'I can read'.

I shake my head, 'I don't know. That's the thing. You see, I 'had' everything, just as I do now. But the thing is, I didn't had 'everything''.

She makes a face, You're confusing, you know that?'.
I open my mouth to protest, but she cuts me off before I even manage a single word.

'You had a loving Mother. You 'have' a loving Mother. A great best friend and all the luxury your Mother could and can afford. And even though that's everything, you want something else? Something you never had or have?'.

I nod. She heaves a sigh, 'Do you happen to know that you're still lucky as hell to have a good Mother?'.

I shake my head, something heavy comes into my heart. A feeling that I don't like.

'But I don't have her, Do I?'.

Millions of memories flash through my mind, making me feel sick. I try to push them away, feeling the same horrible feeling I feel every time I think this over.

She frowns, 'What do you mean?'.

I try to bury all the memories back into the dark corner of my mind. Giving her an annoyed look, I say, 'Figure it out yourself'.

She stands out, putting the pillows back into their places. I shake my head and tell her not to. I've never really had a tidy room with everything settled in it's place. She ignores me and fixes the bed as best as she can anyway.

I walk with her to the front door. None of us speaking a single word. The air feels heavy and so does everything else. Suddenly, I feel tired and I just want her to go, so I can lie down and sleep. Believe me, sleep helps.

She heaves a deep sigh as she steps out. I don't ask her anything, even though I feel like I should.

She taps her feet lightly and bites her lips, 'I can visit again maybe?'.

I feel a smile form on my face and my eyes, twinkle. Making sure my voice sounds moody, I shrug and lean back on the door. 

She grins and gives me a light shove, almost making me trip over. 

'I'll take that as a yes'.

I don't  feel that bad anymore. I can almost feel the weight on my heart lift up. Stepping forward, I give her a quick hug, and she smiles.

'You'll be fine Sarah, Just wait and see'.

I smile again, warmth enters my heart.

'I hope so Ellie. I hope'.

She smiles again and then she's gone. But I don't  feel bad. Actually, I feel something I haven't felt for a while. I feel happy.