My Wacky Girlfriend (Completed)

Chapter 59 - Day

• JANINA NICOLE FORTALEZA •

It has been a month.

It has been a month since my make-up artist and stylist passed away.

A lot of things happened. Madami talaga. Pero I think ako, dito lang ako sa little room ko. The month flew by really slowly for me. Kasi wala naman akong ginagawa. Pinipili kong mag-isa. Masakit din kasi talaga yung pagka-lost ni Shibama for me. Kung si Ynna nga ay nasaktan na nawala sa kanya si Shibama, what more for me? I was the one who knew it all from the very start. I was the one who hoped for the longest time na gagaling din siya pero in the end, iniwan niya rin kami. I was the one who was with him for 10 years. So it really isn't going to be easy for me.

Sometimes nabibigla nga ako sa self ko eh. Parang mas malakas kasi ako sa inakala kong ako. I thought one month after his death would still be full of misery for me, at konsiyensya sa sarili ko, but then, I feel nicer, I feel at peace. I think tinutulungan pa din ako ni Shibama kahit wala na siya. At ang ganda kasi ng support system ko din right now kasi nakakapag-usap na kami openly ni mama at papa. Alynna naman on the other side, is very mabait pa din sa akin. Akala ko nga magkakaroon siya ng galit sa akin for that incident and for everything else that I have done to her. Pero wala. She really is an angel at ang laking bagay din niya para sa recovery ko. To think na siya mismo ay need mag recover ah. She is really a strong girl and I am very happy to be her sister. It is a privilege to be her sister.

I have realized a lot of things in life too. I have realized that life is really indeed beautiful. Yung mga nakikita ko noon nung nasa NYC pa ako, yung mga panahon na sobrang galit na galit pa ako kay Alynna, those were the times that I have been blinded by my own demons. I realized that all you really have to develop is your faith in God. And when you have that na, everthing will just go exactly how He planned it to be. Mawawala na yung fear mo sa mundo and everything will all be alright.

When I was in NYC, I think nag-develop kasi ako doon ng depression. Yung sinisisi ko lahat ng tao. Yung feeling ko aping-api ako. Then I realized that I am just really selfish back then. Hindi naman kasi sa akin umiikot ang mundo eh. Pero the good thing is that na-realize ko pa din lahat ng iyon. And right now, here I am, trying to grow up. I am trying to change myself one step at a time. I know malayo pa ang tatahakin kong daan para maging same levels kami ni Ynna when in comes to kabaitan and all, but at least I am trying. And I know Shibama is happy up there seeing me trying to be the best version of myself.

Lastly, na-realize ko na life is really short. We do not know kung kelan tayo kukunin ni Lord. Kaya naman, if you love someone you have to tell it now. You have to make sure that they know how you are feeling towards them. Para sa huli, wala kang pagsisisihan. Para sa huli, you will die happily just like Shibama. Maikli man ang naging buhay niya ay alam kong worth it lahat yun kasi naging masaya siya sa naging run ng life niya. And I hope mine will be like that too.

Minsan nag-chachat kami ni Ynna sa Line/Viber at kinakamusta ko sila ni Sky. She said na okay naman sila. She is slowly getting back to her bubbly self again. I know na may sugat pa din sa heart niya pero I know that Sky is always there naman to see to it sa kanya that there is more to life than suffering. To be honest, ayoko si Sky as a friend and as a person, pero as a lover for my sister, I cannot think of anyone else better than him. He is the perfect fit for my sister. And I am happy they found each other.