Here I Go

Here I Go 14

                “Stop Bella.” Torrey chocked through laughs.

                Bella, like usually was being a clown in every store we walked in. Victoria had nothing better to do but to join her. Me and Torrey shook our heads and covered our faces.

                “You guys are weird.” I said into my hands.

                “You love us though.” Victoria said.

                “Of course.” I said looking at them now.

                “All the goofing off has made me hungry. I want to buy ONE cookie.” Bella said holding her hand in the air.

                “Why one cookie?” I asked amused.

                “Yea and why did you say it like that?” Torrey asked.

                Bella flipped her hair and winked. “Because I’m awesome. Come on! To the cookie stand.”

                “Let’s get to it.” Victoria joined.

                “It’s not called a cookie stand, but uh, okay.” I said following behind them.

                Bella lied; once we got there she got two bags full of cookies. She held them close to her chest and gave the guy a cheesy smile. “Thank you kind sir. For all of your hard work.”

                We all laughed. And the guy smiled. “Anything for pretty ladies like yourself.”

                Victoria cleared her throat. “And your friends.” He added smiling even wider.

                “Here’s my number.” Bella said handing him her number. She gave him a flirty wave and we walked away.

                “You shouldn’t give your numbers to strangers.” Torrey said.

                “Oh lighten up. I’m just having a little bit of fun.” She said. “Who wants to be ‘good girls’ all the time. It gets boring after a while.”

                I had to agree with her there. “True.”

            “We can be ‘bad girls’ but still look cute while doing it.” Torrey said.

            We all rolled our eyes at her. “You’re always worrying about looking pretty.” Bella said.

            “Look ugly for once.” Victoria said.

            “Uh, guys. I think our movie is about to start.” I said looking at the time on my phone.

            “Well, let’s go.” Said Bella. We started walking to our movie. We all took each other’s hand started skipping.

            “I love you girls.” Said Bella.

            “We love you too.”

            The movie wasn’t at all full. Maybe because this movie has been out for almost a week now. I and the girls sat all the way at top.

            I was trying so hard to have a good time. In some ways I was. But I couldn’t get Jayden out of my head. This is a mess. Why did this have to happen to me? Why not somebody else?

            I miss his lips. His soft lips…..

            I should give this a little time. Maybe things will get better. I doubt it. I started playing with my hair and movie started playing.

            Everybody got quite. Zoned out into the movie. I, on the other hand kept biting my lip and looking at my phone. I hate myself for having this effect me so much. I didn’t even know Jayden that much. I was acting like if I knew him for six years. Like if me and him were going out for a long time.

            I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself!!

            Yet, he made me love myself.

            I needed him. I couldn’t deal with the brother and sister thing. I needed him to be more than that. I wanted him….

            I knew I was the one for him. Me and him become one. Without him….

            None of this was fair. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to be in love with him. But I am. And it’s true. The saying, “you don’t choice who you fall in love with.” You didn’t. Because if you did, I’d promise you, I wouldn’t be the hell here.

            I wanted to fight for him…. But my mom.. And if I was to fight for him… I would need to make it good.