Our Rebellion *Old Version*

Chapter 30

Jude POV

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." Oh how much I dreaded this conversation.

"Hmm. Funny guy, are we? Fine. If you don't want to tell me, then don't tell me. But, you should know," he leaned forward towards my ear again, "That I like it." And with that, he left me a sputtering mess as he rolled off the bed and went to turn the movie on. The lights turned off, leaving the fairy lights on our bed glowing a soft white.

"Come back!"

"You're so needy!" He laughed as he slid onto the bed. I was suddenly pulled close to him; his body heat warming me up from whatever cold I was feeling. These are the kind of moments that I want to keep. These are the kinds of moments that I want to make last.

I wasn't paying attention to the movie at all. All I really cared about was watching Grey as he recited the lines by heart. His mouth curled up into a smile whenever Dory would say something funny. He lost it when Dory met "Mr. Squishy".

"Ow! Bad Squishy, bad Squishy!" He said. It pulled me out of my daze and made me go into laughter.

"I'm not a bad squishy, am I?" He turned his head to me, brushing the hair out of my eyes.

"No. You're a good squishy. You're the squishiest of all the good squishes."

I was laughing along with him. It took me a little while to ponder, but I came to a conclusion as to what I could tell him about his new 'nickname'.

"Grey."

"Jude."

"I-I c-call you that because...Well, I've been researching...things, and, uh, well—"

"You're referring to little space, aren't you?" I looked back up from the bed in shock. I didn't know that he would understand what it was, let alone know what it was!

"Y-yes."

"Are you trying to tell me that you're a little?"

"Well. To be honest, I don't really know. I haven't tried anything. I haven't really thought that much about it, I just know the basic stuff. I just...I just know that me calling you, that word makes me feel safe. It makes me feel like you're going to protect me. Plus, we both know that I got daddy issues." This made him snort, but the rest of the time I was explaining myself, he was looking at me with genuine sincerity. Which was different as to how I thought he would have reacted. Completely.

"So, you're okay with this?" I asked, not really sure why he wasn't saying anything.

"I'm okay with it. Tomorrow we can even research more about it, how does that sound?"

"That sounds perfect! Then I can answer questions!" I was slightly jumping up and down, clapping my hands. I dove into him for a hug, wrapping my arms around his frame. "I love you. So much."

"I love you too Jude. How about we try to get some sleep, we had a long day."

"I don't...I don't think I can sleep. Every t-ti-time I close my-my eyes I see all those ki-kids being so scared. And I keep thinking 'if Damian and I weren't there, he wouldn't have bothered them.' And I keep thinking that if you and I weren't together you wouldn't be in danger. Hell, I've put you in two life threatening situations, and we've only been together for a month! Grey, you gotta admit, that's not okay! And I feel so bad cause it's all—"

He put his fingers up to my lips, making me stop talking. "So help me gods if you say that it's all your fault, I will not talk to you for an hour. None of this is your fault. None of it is my fault, either. Neither is it Damian's; it's because people suck. Plain and simple. And you know what else isn't your fault? Your legs. I know how bad you were bullied, and I can only imagine how much of a toll that took on you, but I would have never thought that it could have been so bad that you would want to hurt yourself." His eyes started to tear up, and his voice started to break, equally breaking my heart.

"Jude, none of it is your fault. You don't deserve for you to take your anger and sadness out on your body, okay? You don't need to do that. You need to tell me when ever you feel like you are going to do that. You need to tell me what's going on in that wonderful mind of yours. I need to know. I need to know that you're safe."

"Grey. Shit." I wiped my eyes free of the tears falling. My head moved over so it was being rested over his heart. I could feel his skin start to get wet from me. "Not everything is about me. Your mental health is vital as well! I know how hard you push yourself. I know how high expectations you have to give yourself, and how upset you get when you don't meet them! I'm assuming it's because your older brother was so perfect, so your parents expect the same thing from you. But you need to remember that the only person you need to do any of that for is yourself. Okay?"

We were both sobbing messes, but we would let occasional chuckles come out once in a while; laughing at how ridiculous we sounded to each other. Some time passed before either one of us broke the silence.

"Let's finish the movie. And where's the popcorn, I haven't had any yet." I teased as I used the pad of my thumb to stroke his cheek. He placed his larger hand over mine, bringing it closer to him mouth so he could kiss my fingers.

"I promise you, I'll always let you know if anything gets bad."

"I promise you, I'll always let you know when I over work myself." I gave him a chaste kiss as I looked around the bed to find the bowl of popcorn, only to have spilled. "Why does the universe hate us!" I said as I fell back on the pillows over dramatically.

"You're such a drama queen. Stay there, I'll clean it up."

Yeah I kinda hate this chapter but oH wElL whAt CaN yOu Do? —Ren