To Matter To You

Chapter 32

It was all a blur. It was as if I was outside myself when it happened. I saw Liam, I spoke to him, I think. He did, too.  But it was too surreal. I wasn't even sure if it happened. I couldn't be sure if I imagined it all. But one look at Trey's grim face and Dan's disbelief confirmed that yes, it did happen. We did see Liam. He was here. Before he left, Liam came back to our table to say goodbye. Then he looked at me closely, and said .

"I'll see you real soon okay." He had said softly and looked at me for a while. His gaze on me was unnerving that I had to look down. When he was gone, I finally exhaled and started breathing again. Dan put a hand on my arm. I looked up. His blue eyes looked worried.

"You okay, babe?" He asked, his eyes glued to my face. I smiled and nodded. Dan sighed and sat up straighter. 

"Well, that was so awkward. The nerve of that guy. So relaxed, so in control. Has he no conscience? Or maybe he never remember what he did to you?" Trey started getting worked up. I had lost my appetite. Suddenly I felt tired. Drained, to be precise.

"Yeah, just shocked I guess. And tired. Can we go now?" I said as I put down my fork and knife. 

"Sure, let's just doggy bag your dinner." Trey said as he beckoned to our server, who came promptly and took my dinner away. 

I didn't know how I managed to go home, but the next thing I knew, I was sitting on my bed. I still had my coat and shoes on. I hated myself for freezing up like this. I wish I had punched Liam at least once. He deserves it. For ghosting me. He was my first everything. My first kiss, my first boyfriend. My only boyfriend. I sighed. I know I'm being immature but can I help it if I'm acting juvenile like this? I had zero experience.  He's the only guy that I let in. I haven't met any other guy since Liam. There were some co-workers who asked me out, but I said no. Every time. I was not ready. I felt uncomfortable getting to know a guy at that level. Plus, I have this nasty habit of comparing any guy who's interested in me with Liam. Big mistake. None of them could measure up to him. None. He wanted me then, when I was still a nerdy, awkward, inappropriate college girl. I doubt any of the guys who wanted to date me now, would notice me when I was still in college. 

"Hey, sweetheart. You ok?" Dan suddenly poked his head at my door. I looked up and gave a small smile. Dan sighed and went into my room. He sat beside me and put his arm around me. I lay my head on his shoulder and sighed.

"Tell me how you feel. You know you can tell me the truth." Dan said as he put his cheek against my temple. I sighed again and looked at my hands.

"I don't know. Right now, I'm numb. Like I don't feel anything. I don't know how to react. I mean, should I get mad? Should I demand to know what happened? Do I have that privilege? I mean, we were together for just a tiny while. We didn't have history. We were barely memorable. It's not enough to hold him responsible. It's not fair to us." I said as I run my hand through my hair, trying to keep it together.

"Honey, you guys were together and he promised to keep in touch. But then he ghosted you. You have every right to demand to know what had happened.  I just know that he didn't do it on purpose. I think something happened over there. Maybe you should give him the benefit of a doubt. Well, if you still like him just as much as you did before. If you don't feel the same anymore, then just leave it be. He doesn't owe you shit then." Dan said as he shrugged his shoulders. I narrowed my eyes at him. He knew he got me there. 

"No, I don't have feelings for him anymore. That is all dead and buried." I said dismissively. I could almost feel Dan narrowing his eyes as he looked at me. 

"Ok then, If that's the case, you don't mind, you know, seeing him around..like hang out with him..I mean, me and Liam, we were tight in college." Dan said as he lay back on my bed, his eyes never leaving my face. I flushed. He has got to be kidding me! Dan just knew where he could catch me off-guard.