Secrets

Nightmares

Haru woke with a start. He was freezing but sweat prickled on his forehead. Makoto was sleeping peacefully beside him. He felt the familiar churning in his gut and he quickly scrambled off the bed, waking Makoto up in the process.
He ran across the hall to the bathroom and didn't even bother to flip the light switch before he emptied his stomach into the toilet.

Makoto groggily rubbed his eyes and walked into the bathroom. He turned on the lights and once he understood why he had been woken up, he sat down next to his boyfriend. He ran his hand up and down Haru's back, whispering sweet nothings to him.

After a few minutes, Haru had finished vomiting. Makoto wet a piece of cloth and wiped Haru's mouth.

Haru was shaky and clammy but he wasn't sick.
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"Makoto? What are you doing?" Haru screamed. He watched as his boyfriend wordlessly walked closer and closer to the tracks.
The sound of a whistle echoed and Haru ran forward.
"Please, don't leave me!" Haru yelled until his throat was raw.

Makoto turned to face him one last time, and offered a smile, even though tears welled up in his eyes.

And then there was the train.

That's when Haru woke up.
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"Haru? Are you okay? Do you need to see a doctor?" Makoto began to ask a million questions a second.

Haru held his hand up to stop his boyfriend from worrying too much. "I'm okay. It was just a nightmare." Haru said that partly to calm down Makoto but also partly to remind himself that it wasn't real. Makoto was still there with him.

A few moments of silence enveloped them until Makoto spoke up. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Haru shook his head. "No....but, how are you feeling lately?"

Makoto was taken aback by his question but answered nevertheless. "Umm, fine? I mean, you've been with me pretty much all day everyday."

"So you're not getting bad or anything lately?"

Makoto new what "bad" meant. It was Haru's way of saying self harming and all that jazz.

"No, I've been good. I promise." Makoto reassured.

Haru nodded his head after thinking for a few seconds, trying to comprehend that Makoto was okay. Everything was okay.

"Should we go back to bed?" Makoto asked Haruka who was still seated on the tile floor of the bathroom.

He nodded and ambled over to their bedroom.
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After a few hours of sleeping without any nightmares, Haru and Makoto woke up when the sun hit their bed.

Makoto had opened his eyes first, whereas Haru groaned and covered his face with the pillow.
"Hey, Haru. You can sleep in a little longer if you want. I'm going to make some breakfast." He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his temple.

"M'kay. Sounds good." Haru mumbled into the pillow.

Makoto went to walk out the door when Haru mumbled something again.

"Haru, I can't hear you when you talk with the pillow over your face" Makoto sighed.

Haru removed the pillow from his now pinkish face. "I said, can you close the blinds please?"

Makoto nodded his head and closed the blinds for Haru who was now curling back up, cuddling a pillow.
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Makoto went downstairs to the kitchen and began to make breakfast for Ren, Ran, Haru, and himself. Ren and Ran's breakfast was always simple. Just plain cereal with some fruit. Haru's breakfast was always the same (shocker). So he mindlessly made the mackerel and rice and Makoto made sure to make some broccoli too. Makoto settled for snacking on an apple until the rest of the family woke up.

Ren came down first, rubbing his eyes with his fists. He and Makoto conversed until Ran came down and then finally Haru.
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That night, Haru woke up again breathing heavily and shaking. He shook Makoto awake and Makoto sat up to look at Haru.

"Haruka? What's wrong?" Makoto yawned.
He noticed Haru's lack of response and he asked again.

"Ag-gain." He gasped out. He was clutching his chest, trying to breath.

Makoto quickly got up and turned on the lights before sitting next to his boyfriend. "Haru, it's okay, shhhh just breathe."

Haru's head was pounding and his throat was dry as he choked on a sob.

Makoto ran his hand up and down his back. He remembered having to calm Ren down before, so he began to speak. "Haru, listen to me. When my hand moves up I want you to take a deep breath in." He moved his hand up Haru's shaking back. "And when I go down, I want you to slowly breath out, okay?" He moved his hand down. "Can you do that?"

Haru nodded and after a couple minutes Haru's breathing was back to normal.

"Can you tell me what's wrong now?" Makoto asked sweetly.

"I had another nightmare. No-not another, the same one." He explained. "Y-you die and then I wake up."

Makoto sighed and pulled Haru closer to him. "Haru, I think that if this continues, then we should try and see if we can find someone for you to talk to."

"What do you mean?" Haru sniffled.

"Sweetie, this is your second nightmare in the last 24 hours. And this is the second panic attack you've had since we went to Osaka." Makoto gently played with Haru's hair. "Maybe we should see a doctor or something if this continues."

Haru nodded his head before he fell back asleep in Makoto's arms.