Don't Say Anything

45. It's Over. She's Gone

Emotionally, I was hurt. I was hurt by his words and his dominating and intimidating persona definitely scared me. But physically, he didn't hurt me. It crossed my mind for a second that he might, but he never did.

"I'm so sorry, Jess." He stands up and brings me with him. He tightens his hands around me and this is the kind of close contact I love from him. This is Will.

I feel tears roll down my checks and onto his bare chest. I don't know why I'm crying exactly. It's mostly relief, relief that yesterday is over and behind us, relief that he didn't mean what he said or did, and relief that my Will is back.

"Don't cry," he says whipping away my tears with his thumbs. "I'm sorry I dragged you into this. I need to stop doing that, I know. But I didn't know what else to do. I just really wanted to see you. I didn't mean for all the rest to happen. It must have been worse than you're admitting." He looks at me like he's expecting a rundown of the whole night.

"I'd rather not talk about it. It's over."

"And it won't happen again," he adds. I nod in agreement and he pulls me in for another hug. At least now we can put the tragedies of yesterday away. We don't have to think about it again, the causes or the results. Wait. The causes. I still don't know what happened yesterday after I left. I still don't know what caused him to act in such a way.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened after I left yesterday afternoon?"

He lets go of me and sits back down on the bed raking his hands through his hair. I look down so I'm not staring at him and realize why I've been feeling so shy. I'm still not wearing pants. Shoot. I take my palms and push his sweatshirt down farther so it's all the way at my knees and sit next to him. It comes right back up to the top of my thighs, but I don't think Will is paying too much attention to it.

A minute, or two, or three, later, I'm still waiting for an answer.

"Will?" I'm definitely not backing down on this one. I need to know what happened, or his reaction doesn't make sense. This is step one to understanding Will.

"Leah and Ethan are getting married." My breathing stops. "It's over. She's gone. There's nothing more I can do. I'm never going to have her back again."

I feel a wave of sadness over me. Everything Will has done to get Ethan out of Leah's life didn't work. He had so much hope that Ethan was going to be leaving soon. That's all he was looking forward to, and now all that hope is gone. You never realize how important hope is until it's washed away.

"Don't give up." I don't want him to stop trying. It can't be all over, it just can't.

"I don't have anything left to give, Jessi. It's done. She's made her permanent decision, and I'm not included in it."

"You still can be, if you want." It's not like she kicked Will out of her life. She still cares for Will, I can see it.

"Not if Ethan's in it. She knows that."

There's nothing I can say to change his mind. He's spent the past six years hating Ethan and hating Leah for choosing him. I'm not going to be able to convince him that he can still help Leah. He can still be there for her when she needs it, but he's not going to agree to that. He gave up on her a while ago, and marriage is just the cheery on top.

"I'm sorry." I wish there was something I could do.

"Please don't be. You have nothing to be sorry for. My behavior yesterday was inexcusable. I could apologize a hundred times and it wouldn't make up for it."

"I forgive you," I say without missing a beat. This is all he needs right now, someone to support him. I can try to convince him not to give up later. In this moment, he needs someone to be his rock.