Don't Say Anything

12. Chocolate

Will and I study in his living room almost every day. The term "study" being used lightly because we talk and joke more than half the time. I lose track of the days because they go by so smoothly. Avery has become my best friend and I'm also getting closer with Kira even though I don't see her as much. I've made some friends in my other classes, but I don't hang out with them because that would mean taking away my time with Will. Professor Moore told me long ago that I don't have to continue tutoring him, but I just said okay and pretended that the conversation never happened. I don't know if Will would still want me to come over his house if I don't have to.

He used to bug me all the time in business class, but after the professor called him out for the twentieth time, he settles with just staring at me half the period. We have more freedom in painting, even though his seat is across the room. Last week, we had an assignment to use only primary colors to paint an imaginary animal and he walked over to ask me if I had any extra purple paint he could borrow. Yesterday, we had to use small brushes (sizes 1-5) to paint the "crazy thoughts banging to get out of your ingenious little heads" and he asked me if he could barrow my size 10 brush. He gave up on thinking of good excuses to come talk to me after the first week.

I've tried to ask him more questions when we're at his house, but only one every couple of days. It tends to put him in a sour mood and I never really get any answers like I did the first day I came over.

"Why do you call your Mom by her first name?"

"That's personal."

"Why haven't you talked to your Dad in so long?"

"He's none of your concern, or mine for that matter. Drop it."

"How come you live separate from your parents?"

"I'm an adult."

"Do you ever see them?"

"Hardly."

"Will I ever get to meet your parents?"

"For your sake, hopefully not."

And that's the end of the conversation. It's easier to talk about myself and have him listen. I can tell it's hard for him to tell me things so I'm not very persistent. Once or twice we've heard people in the kitchen but Will pretends he doesn't hear it, so I do the same. I would love to meet his parents, but it seems like a sensitive subject to bring up.

I know he still goes to parties and probably gets drunk and hooks up with girls. I've asked Avery if she's seen him and she says that she has. Will has asked me to go to a few but I always say no. My experience with parties is not very good and I'm honestly a little scared to go to another one.

I hate the knot in my stomach that forms when I think of Will with other girls. Of course I have no say in what he does. I would be stupid to think that he would want to stay with one girl. Especially if that one girl is me. I have no experience in the things he does every weekend and it would just be a big letdown for him if he ever did want to be with me in that way. He never tries anything with me, which is a relief. I think I should feel insulted, but I don't. It's better if we just stay friends and other girls can take care of the rest. Even though it makes my heart drop every time I think about it.

"What are you doing? There isn't even a two in your previous answer!" Our roles of student and teacher have switched since Will started reading his book and statistics got twice as hard.

"I didn't even know I was supposed to be using that answer!" I say back just as irritated.

"Oh my God Jessi," he says rubbing his hands over his face. "How the fuck are you getting an A in this class right now?"