Remember

~Chapter 41~Before the next

Quick accouncement: the next chapter will be the final chapter of this part 1 series.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple of days had passed. We had the funeral and I saw all of my family and close friends. I didn't speak to my brother or Scott. I stayed at my mothers house with Summer and we watched reality shows and cooked food to keep our minds at ease. It didn't work. This isn't just a goldfish that's passed. The woman who brought my brother and I life passed away. I don't know if I should be angry at everyone or understand them, I just know that I don't want to speak to anyone. I can't think anything fully through because I just keep on crying. It feels like I will never stop, it's so hard to not cry.

My thoughts are interrupted by a loud bell on the door.

That must be my brother. He had notified me that he'd visit the house soon, he just didn't say when. I haven't checked my phone since the day of the funeral so I don't even know what day it is.

As I open the door I stare to the ground. My own brother didn't tell me what was going on. I thought we were closer than that.

He walks in and I shut the door. Summer runs up to him and he picks her up while engulfing her into his arms. As his spins her slightly with tears streaming down his eyes, he faces my way.

I finally find the courage to look directly into his eyes and I soon as I do, I break into a pit of sobs.

Jake walks over to me, with summer still in his hands and hesitantly inches towards me for a hug.

I nod in acceptance and we stay hugging each other and crying together for a while.

I don't even know how long, when someone dies it's like time is still and you're just stuck in a world full of noise but can't hear anything.

Every word spoken has a sadness behind it. Every bird chirping seems to be a faded echoing sound in the background of a noise full of empty nothingness.

What does a shattered heart feel like?

I know the answer to that question now. I feel it every second of every hour.

Jake pulls away and holds my hand leading me to the couch.

"Listen Val, I know you don't want to hear it but mom would want you to know why she kept this sickness from you," Jake begins.

I nod my head and sit there waiting for his reasoning. I don't have it in me to argue right now.

"You just entered college Val. I know there's no excuse for telling you. I know that now. However, she got so mad at me when I told her I should tell you. She screamed at me and told me to leave you out of it. I don't know why. I had just assumed that she never got the opportunity to go to college and she saw how determined you were. Mom wanted the best for you and she knew that if she told you, that's you drop out and come home to take care of her. I knew that too, you're an amazing person Val. She didn't want you to worry, she wanted you to make the best out of your life and to live it to the fullest. She knew this would happen eventually but she wanted you to take advantage of your opportunity before it goes vanishes like hers did. I'm so so fucking sorry that I never told you Val. I feel so so horrible and I am horrible because you should of know. You should of had the chance to say—. I'm sorry Val, I'm so so sorry."

Jake begins to sob and he then gets on his knees to continue crying on my lap.

"I wish I knew mommy was sick. I just wish you knew. I'm so hurt Jake and I have so much sadness and anger in my heart right now, but our mom just died and the only person that can understand the same pain as me right now is you and summer," I explain.