The Other Jareau

Chapter 45

"How was your first week?" Dr. Hawkins asked
"I really wanted to have drugs in my system a few times." I answered honestly
"Why is that?" She asked ready to tale notes
"Im without Tyler. He really makes me feel better and happy. I feel like Im missing a piece of myself. My old room mate is here too." I said not wanting to bring up more
"You need to tell me about her. You know the rules. Nothing is a secret." She said as I sighed
"We smoked a lot of weed together. Until I got a bag of coke from her. I mean I asked for it cause I was interested. I used it that Christmas that created the issues between me and my mom and everyone else. There were many nights we would black out and barely make it back to the apartment or to work the next morning." I said holding back tears as she nodded for me to continue
"She was in DC the day before I was beaten by Chase. They were sleeping together. She went to a hockey game with me and tried to get me to use but I said no. We got in a huge argument and that was the last time I spoke to her." I said leaning forward
"This was like a week and a half ago?" She asked and I nodded
"Did you love Chase?" She asked throwing me off
"Yes. He was my first love but he broke my heart. Honestly I did want to marry him but I was always under the influence of drugs. I didnt know the real him without it." I said wishing it wasnt true
"Do you want him to go back to prison for what he did to you?" She asked as I thought really hard about it
"Yes. He destroyed me. I relapsed and I relapsed hard. I lost my baby." I said breaking down
"What about Oscar?" She asked mentioning him
"Yes. He raped me and beat me twice." I said upset
"Is he the main cause for the drug use?" She asked as I nodded no
"Hes not? He raped you, got you pregnant, and beat you to lose that baby." She said pointing out why he would make me use
"I decided that night in my childhood bathroom that I would snort the drugs that Abby gave me." I sighed
"Do you blame anyone for the start of your drug use?" She asked as I nodded no and answered
"It was all my choice."
"Do you want to know any trial updates?" She asked and I nodded yes
"Tyler is pursuing charges and you need to make a written statement for your turn on the stand. The lawyers believe you are in Canada with his parents so you can think." She said as I nodded
"Tyler thinks the trial will be a win for the both of you and it starts next week. JJ is not apart of it anymore. As well as Tyler is suspended this week from the games due to his actions on ice." She said
"What did he do?" I asked really surprised
"Knocked a guy unconscious." She shrugged
"Idiot." I said with a small smile
"Tell me about your dad." She said as the smile instantly dropped
"No." I said easily
"You need to." She said making me feel safe
"I was a daddies girl. He was the one man I could always rely on. We had a lot of moments that we werent able to tell my mom. Like eating a lot of junk food or my grades at one point." I smiled thinking of his memories
"Was he like that with everyone?" She asked and I nodded no
"He fought a lot with Roz and when JJ was a teenager the disagreed a lot. But with me we never did. We would always watch the Dallas Cowboys games together. Go out on daddy daughter dates but I never remembered JJ and Roz having those days. He loved all of us evenly he told us but I knew he loved me the most." I said as a few tears escaped
"How did everyone take his death?" She questioned
"It was only me living in the house. JJ was in college and came down but left a week later. Matt. Visited every once and a while but was always out of it. My mom closed herself off and I had to take care of her for months by myself. I never got to grieve." I answered remember being left alone without my siblings
"Did you feel abandoned by them?" She asked as I thought about it
"Ya. I guess I did and do feel that way." I said as she nodded and told me she would see me next week

JJ POV
"You still dont know where she is?" Will asked as I paced around the living room
"No I dont. Its been a week Will." I groaned
"Maybe its for her best interest." He suggested and I rolled my eyes
"Shes probably freaking out and thinks I want nothing to do with her." I said sitting next to him
"Calm down. Its not good for the baby when you stress and your job gives you enough of that." He said kissing my temple
"I threw her out for no reason. She was using drugs again and instead of helping I threw her out. I called every rehab place and no luck." I sighed
"They are confidential babe. I highly doubt they will tell you if she is in there babe." He said make me realize its true
"I cant believe Tyler stood up to me after I gave him permission to marry her eventually." I said in disbelief
"Tyler did it because he loves her." He said before my phone rang
"Hello." I said answering it
"Jennifer Charlotte is not answering her phone." She said fast
"And how is that my problem?" I asked
"Cause you are the one who is always with her." She said
"Mom we dont talk that much since she moved out." I said wishing I never picked up
"She moved out?" She asked
"Ya like a month ago. She just hasnt taken all of her stuff over." I said as Will looked at me confused
"Will you please bring her to Thanksgiving?" She asked as I become nervous
"Um she had plans she told me." I made up knowing she should still be in rehab
"What kindof plans? Are they more important then her family?" She asked as I started laughing
"Mom you kicked her out and want nothing to do with her. She mentioned hosting her own Thanksgiving for Tyler and some team mates and their girlfriends and wives." I made up on the spot
"Hes Canadian." She said as I mentally face palmed
"Well they wanted to spend it together." I said trying to get out of this mess
"What about Christmas will you bring her then? Tyler can come." She said
"She will be in Canada with his family." I said knowing that it will be true
"What did I do wrong?" She asked and I wasnt sure if it was rhetorical or not
"Really? You dont know what you did?" I questioned as she answered no
"You saw her as a problem and pretty much disowned her. Matt hates her. Shes been on her own and doesnt even seem to want my help anymore. Dont expect her to come back to the family with open arms." I said not even sure if she would want anything to do with me once she got out
"I just want my family back." She sighed
"Ya me too." I said looking at Will as I put my hand over my stomach finding comfort
"I will see you next weekend. Love you." She said as I said it back and hung up holding back tears