The Other Jareau

Chapter 43

Charlottes POV

He left me. Was all I could think about as I sat down in front of the psychologist
"Charlotte are you paying attention?" The psychologist Dr. Hawkins asked
"He he left me here. My boyfriend dropped me off here like I was going to day care." I said
"He didnt leave you here. He is coming back after you complete the program." She said trying to calm me down
"I dont belong here." I said gaining control
"Why?" She asked
"Im not an addict." I said truthfully
"Are you sure about that?" She asked and I questioned myself
"I I I am an addict." I said allowing the realization to hit me
"And what are you addicted to?" She asked
"Cocaine and Oxy." I said playing with my ring from Tyler
"Alcohol?" She asked and I nodded no
"Why not?" She asked
"It doesnt give me that satisfaction like drugs do. It makes me tired." I said honestly
"Tell my about your childhood." She said now trying to get me to open up
"No. I know what you are doing. I didnt kill her." I said panicking
"Kill who?" She asked now very invested in me
"My sister committed suicide when I was six. My older brother blamed me." I said trying to hold back tears
"Why did he?" She asked
"Cause I was a mistake child. He is like thirteen years older then me. Roz was eleven. Jenny is five." I said reflecting on the age gap me and Matt had
"Tell me about your brother." She said
"I dont know much. I was five when he went to college. He called me squirt and little one when he was home. But never cared about me. He got married after college to his high school sweet heart. JJ was a bridesmaid but I wasnt allowed to have a part in the wedding." I said remembering vividly the fight mom and him had about it
"How was it mentioned?" She asked
"Squirt I dont want you in my wedding incase you make a mistake." I said remembering that day
"So you have a poor relationship with him?" She asked and I nodded yes
"What about Roz?" She asked as it brought up a painful past
"She killed herself. She cut her wrist and sat in the bathtub. Thats what I have been told." I said trying to remember that day
"And who found her?" She asked
"Jennifer." I said remembering the scream she did
"And where were you?"  She asked as I looked at her with big eyes
"Next to her. She was going to put lip gloss on me. We opened the bathroom door and she screamed. She stood in my way so I never would see Roz like that. She has always protected me." I said breaking down crying
"Why did you turn to drugs?" She asked and I shrugged
"My roommate was always doing them. Ive smoked weed since highschool and one Christmas became to much and I used cocaine for the first time. It honestly felt great. I blacked out but I was angry and free at the same time." I said smiling through the tears wanting another hit
"Do you want a hit right now?" She asked and I nodded
"Why?"
"I want to feel that way again." I said knowing its wrong to feel that way
"Tell me about Tyler." She said making me smile
"Hes the love of my life." I said think back to all of our good moments
"How?"
"He has saved me more time then I can count. He is and was the original reason as to why I want to get sober and stay sober. I dont deserve him. I know that." I said
"Why dont you think you deserve him?"
"Im a mistake and always have been. I make mistakes all the time." I sighed
"Humans make mistakes. You are human because of them. Now what about Jennifer, JJ, Jenn. What does she go by most?" She asked bringing up the pain from last night
"JJ. Jennifer perfect Jareau." I said sarcastically
"What makes you say that?"
"She was captain of the soccer team in high school and college. Valedictorian and the top of her class in college. President of her sorority. And now works in the FBI." I laughed
"Whats funny about that?" She asked as I looked at her
"My brother is in business, my sister committed suicide, JJ is this perfect mold of what a child should be. Then theres me. A college drop out turned drug addicted loser." I said pacing around
"Think why did you chose that path?" She asked stopping me
"I didnt want to fit the mold. I dated a biker to show I wasnt meant for the family. I took drugs to feel different about myself. But its not who I am and its not who I want to be anymore." I said coming to the realization
"And what and who do you want to be?" She asked as I saw a small smile tug on her lips
"A mentor to young adults with drug problems. I want to help those before they all into the same path I was one. I want to be better then who I have been in the past year and a half. I want to prove to Tyler I love him. I want to have his baby to full term without the consequences of my past anymore." I said looking at her
"Well I know you have one question for me." She said smiling
"I want to get clean for good. Can you help?" O asked
"Are you willing to out in the effort?" She asked and I nodded
"Are you willing to bring yourself down to an emotional, mental, and physical level that will open you up to express feelings?" She asked and I nodded again
"Are you willing to comply with the rules set forth by the facility?" She asked and I nodded
"Well Charlotte Holt lets get you in a room and unpacked. Tomorrow starts your first day."She smiled and guided me out and to my room