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currently hosting: A Letter of Love [February '19]
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When Christmas Waved It's Magical Wand - Part Two
Shivaay: I was really sad, that day. That day, after I left from there, I went directly to our house. I cried a lot and started taunting myself for losing her friendship. That day, I didn't move out of my room. I was sad that she rejected me, but my respect for her increased that day. She didn't even think about suppressing her denial to me. Not only that, she in spite of being my friend, had the guts to tell the truth onto my face.
Om: How did you move on, then? You know, you got married to Bhabhi and that was a love marriage too.
Shivaay(chuckled): I never moved on. I was on the same place where she left me. We were far from each other but inside, she is with me. It was hard for me to do things which I usually did. I was hurt due to two reasons; first - she doesn't think about me as I think about her, second - I, being filled with thoughts of love by you, couldn't digest that it cheated me. I was dragging myself to break over this sad monotonous life. Do you remember when you and Rudy asked me to join a party and I rejected it, due to my meeting? Usually, I don't reject things, when you both asks me, right?
Om: Ya, I do remember. We both were literally thinking why you rejected it. Now I get it.
Shivaay: I was literally killing myself for many days, until when Dadi told me, "Love never cheats, if anything cheats, then it is not love." I tried to get me back to my pace track. And within 1 year, I got back to my original self. But she still remained inside me. I knew that I love her even then, but now I know that love is like a sacrifice, you should give it without expecting anything in return. I was sad, whenever I passed through her Bakery Shop or any other places I met her. But after her denial, I never met her, until I went to London to fix a deal.
Om: You didn't even see her before that, I don't believe you.
Shivaay: It's not that I don't want to see her. It's just that I respect her decision and try to avoid her. I saw her but I never initiated a conversation with her. What if I make her sad again? What will she think of me? What if I become a stalker in front of her? Will she be my friend again?? No, for sure and due to the superstitions on younger generation these days, I really got nervous to talk to boys.
Om: Excuse me, I am a European guy, I need to know what superstitions.
Shivaay: Girls always thinks that boys are back of girls only for one reason, i.e, pleasure. They use girls like use and throw - waste. Not only that, if I talk to her like that, it will be the same situation. I will have the same feelings for her and she won't. This will break me again and I will go back and I don't want to break myself again.
Om: What did you feel when you saw her those days?
Shivaay: I felt some sort of embarrassment, guilty, awkwardness..you know a mixture of emotions. I read it in one of the books, "First crushes are not meant to leave your heart", and it is true! Whenever I see her, I feel like telling her that I love her, even now, like before. As usual, I have to respect her decision, so I stayed from her. But I noticed something missing in her. I didn't knew what was it, but something was missing. I tried to stay far from her, but I couldn't because she was tied to me, to my soul and I just couldn't break the ties of easily. It's just a thin thread, which I could cut off easily, but I didn't have the courage to do it. I did't have the courage to leave her like that. Just like that.
