Smile For Me || Niall Horan

11: Tour Life

Claire is the reason I do a lot of things. She's the reason I drag myself out of bed every day even though I really just feel like blowing off work. She's the reason I keep going no matter how bad life gets. She's the reason I'm still here because honestly, if it wasn't for her, I would have left this world a long time ago.

Yes, I have had suicidal thoughts before. Especially after the incident happened. We had no money. I thought we would end up homeless. For about a year we lived off our parent’s savings but once that ran out we were left with nothing, just taking out loans from the bank with no clue how we would ever pay them back. I was depressed. I stayed in bed all day. I wouldn't even come out to eat. I lost a lot weight. Austin tried to get me to talk to him every day but I just stayed in my room, locked away from the world. I never smiled and I was always crying. It's like that frown was permanently fixed on my face. 

Then one day Claire came into my room. She came over and gave me a hug and said "Lexi, I'm scared." A tear rolled down her cheek as she said this. I hugged her and promised her that everything would be okay. I had no idea if I was telling the truth or not at the time, but I wanted to make her feel better. That was the day I realized that I had to keep my promise. My sister was suffering because of my irresponsibility.

I didn't want things to continue like that, so I buckled down and got a job. Austin was still searching for work when I landed my photography internship, but he eventually found a job as well. We earned enough money to pay back the bank and our incomes together were enough to get by. We fixed things. Life got a bit better. It still sucked, but things did get better.

I still had a few suicidal thoughts even after that, but I kept thinking of my siblings. They both needed me here, so I would stay for them. I couldn't leave them like this. Not when they needed me most. 

Now I smile all the time, for Claire's sake. I don't want her to have to see me like that again. In that depression state. I was a sore sight to see and I know it was tough for people to be happy in my presence. I never cry now. I try to stay strong, as strong as I can. Really, I'm doing it all for other people. If the people I love didn't exist then I would probably cry every day, never smile, live on the street because I would have no job or income, play music instead of take pictures, and possible not even be living. Thank God the people I love do exist. They keep me from doing some pretty crazy and stupid things. 

That's the main reason my brother and I remind each other all the time to never give up. We say it every time we have to tell each other goodbye whether it be on the phone or at the airport. We always remind each other. We can't give up no matter how hard times get because we both have a responsibility to look after Claire and if we don't keep that responsibility then everyone's lives would get worse. Especially hers. 

Really you just have to wake up every morning with the attitude that something great will happen and maybe one day you will get lucky and be right. My lucky day was when I got up for work a few weeks ago and met Niall Horan. The boy who changed my life for the better. I honestly can't thank him and the other boys enough for all that they have done. I owe them more than they know.

"You should probably start to pack up all your things. We don't have much time before we have to leave," Niall informs me. I look to his side of the room where all his bags were neatly packed and waiting by the door. He was also already dressed and ready to leave.