My Secret Crush {EDITING}

-[13]-

[This chapter has been revised and edited from the original chapter]

ALEX POV

"What is going here?."

"I walked in on them kissing until---"

"You kissed?" Iris exclaim before Ray could finish his sentence.
My butt still hurts and all they care about is we kissed!.
We actually kissed!. Oh my God. I kissed Aisling!. Again!.

I felt it again. There was raw emotions the way her fingers curled into my hair. How she invaded my senses. How I could only focus on soft, firm and persuasive she felt against my lips.

Could I be?
Do I?
Could it be it?

Sweet Jesus it happened again.

I have always pushed every thought of it away. The thought of falling for someone else again. I knew it wouldn't be easy since I kissed her. What if this is happening due to her resemblance to Claire.

But something tells me she is different. Different from every girl that only wants my reputation and not me. Different from several girls Iris had hooked me up with. I know nothing about her but still I can tell she's totally different from Claire.

"We are just gonna excuse you two." Iris announced smiling whole hearted. "I'm sure you'ld like some privacy after the whole--" She wave her hand. "Let's go." She nudge Ray.

"Have fun." She chirp.

"But not too much fun." Ray point warning finger at me before breaking into a wide smile. "Now this is what I'm saying when I say go for a whale with rivet in it not the fish." I swear they are the problem in my life.

"What the fuck are you saying?."

"You're too dumb to understand me, Iris."

"Obviously you are--"
They went on with their continuous bickering until they were out of sight. Leaving me too numb to utter a word.

This shouldn't be so difficult. I only need some time to clear my head, my thought, my mind and every other thing that involves---

"I am sorry."

She whisper so low but I heard anyways. Because even while I'm trying to clear all the shit stuffed in my head. It's impossible to focus knowing she's around me.

"I should have just listened to you. I shouldn't have took the mask off. It wasn't my fault, I just couldn't keep my cla---" Her eyes widen stopping herself immediately like she was about to say something she shouldn't.
"What I am saying is. Damn you are---" She slaps get hand over her mouth muttering word I don't understand.

I found her actions funny.
Maybe Iris did the right thing.
I guess it's time to move on.

"I am not sorry for Friday or today. I---"
She was quick to interrupt.

"You are not acting like it didn't happen?." Red tint on her cheek but it was quick to disappear. A pained expression taking over her beautiful features.
"You said it wasn't right. You walked away. Did I do something wrong?."

If I'm doing this, she deserves to know.
"I didn't mean to. It just--" I sigh heavily.

Am I doing the right thing?.

Even doing the right things feels so wrong at times.

"Alex, it's okay if you don't want to talk about it. I am totally cool with pretending none of this happened." She looks down twiddling her thumbs.

That works for me too but---
Forget it. I'm done with this mind conversation.

"None of this is your fault. It's Claire's."

"Who is Claire?" She ask.

"My ex." I say above a whisper. "You remind me of her. I don't mean in a terrible way. You share the same features. It's like I'm looking at Claire in you."

"I know it's been two years and I should be over her by now. It's just so hard to bury all the memories we shared for seven years."

"Obviously Claire doesn't care a bit. She never cared but she still makes me feel like I owe her something. It was never my fault but still I feel so guilty. I have always known our love for each other was one sided. But I couldn't just find it in me to believe even when the truth was glaring."

A nostalgic feeling pass through me. Suddenly I remember like it was yesterday it happened. It only cause my heart to ache.

"I have been hearing stories about Claire cheating on me with this guy called Jayden. When I heard, I just thought it was impossible. I thought she loved me as much as I love her. I trusted her thinking she would never cheat on our relationship or me."

"She is a scarlet. I had seen her numerous times and she still comes back acting like she didn't just cheat on our relationship. She apologize and I end up giving her numerous chances. She does the same thing again. Apologize and I give her another chance. The circle continues. It's like the more I care and try to make it work the less she gives a fuck about me. She did it again. This time with my cousin. Of all places it had to be in my garden. I saw them with my own eyes. Apparently they've been dating for months."

"I wonder why I didn't cut if off with her that moment. I still tried to talk to Claire. I wanted to know why she was doing this to me. I still wanted us to be together but she thought I was desperate. Of course I was because no matter how bad she treats me. I loved her and I couldn't just find a place in my heart to tell her it was over, to be mad at her and to stop loving her. I just couldn't. She made me so vulnerable. It was difficult, I tried so hard but it seems impossible to bury every single memory we had together. Seven years of relationship. It's meant something to me even when it meant nothing to her."

"Claire accused me of pestering her. She said she needed space. Her breathing space. She wanted to live her life without having to worry about her pathetic boyfriend. She broke up with me at that same spot with my cousin. She accused me of not trying to make our relationship work. The following week, she left the country with her family. They relocated. That was the last time I ever heard from Claire again. She broke me. She left me wondering why she thinks I am the reason our relationship didn't work out."

"I am sorry I made you feel bad. And I'm sorry I walked out on you the other day. I just thought I could avoid the same mistake from happening twice."

You never realize how much you need to get something off your mind until you spill out  to someone who is ready to listen.

It was calm for some moment until--

I watch Aisling move to sit next to me on the sofa. She place her hand over mine in a soothing manner.

She isn't aware of the tingling sensations I am feeling as a result of her actions.

"Thank you for listening to me."
I tell her.