suddenly ♡ malum ✓

➵ twenty seven

MONDAY

 

Dear diary,

today I was smiling the whole day.

My teacher yelled at me for forgetting my homework, I smiled.

The same teacher gave me detention because I 'smiled at him provokingly', I smiled.

I didn't even care, I was so happy.

Luke asked me if I was on drugs.

Of course I wasn't, this smile was all Calum's work.

I couldn't stop thinking about the kiss, my first kiss.

It was so amazing and made my heart flatter every time I thought about it.

**

I was sitting in my room and doing homework when it suddenly knocked.

"Yeah?"

The door opened and Calum walked in.

He stood in the middle of my room and I got up and walked over to him. 

We just stared at each other for what seemed like forever when in reality it maybe was two minutes.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi, can we talk?" he asked and I nodded.

We sat down on my bed and I waited for him to say something.

"I wanted to talk about the kiss," I nodded again.

"Before I kissed you, I told you that I like you," he took a deep breath, "I meant it. I really like you, I mean, I have feelings for you. You know it was scary. The kiss was scary."

I looked at him a little confused.

"The kiss was amazing. I really liked it. What I meant was that it was scary to kiss you because I didn't know how you would react. I thought you were straight and-"

"Yeah, that's what I thought, too."

He smiled at me.

"Anyway, I thought you didn't like me that way and I was kind of scared to lose you- as a friend. Our friendship is really important to me. I think that I just wanted to know if you felt something when I kissed you."

Did I felt something? Definitely. For some reason I couldn't say it, though, so I just looked at him.

"I really don't want to pressure you but it's driving me crazy that I don't know what you thought or felt while we kissed. You can tell me if you hated it, I won't be mad," he said and I wanted to answer him so bad, I wanted to tell him that the kiss was amazing and that I felt something but I couldn't form proper sentences.

"Y-you, I-I, uh, I mean - I-I'm s-sorry, I-" I stopped talking, what I said made absolutely no sense. I looked at my hands because I couldn't look him in the eyes. I didn't know what was wrong with me.

For a few minutes we didn't move, until Calum grabbed my face and made me look at him. His touch was so gentle, so soft. He cupped my cheeks and looked me deep in the eyes. I knew what would happen next and I let it happen.

He put his soft lips on mine and I kissed back immediately.

I wanted to tell him that I liked him, that I felt something during our first kiss. I couldn't, though, so I showed him. 

His hands wandered down my body and were now on my waist. I wrapped my arms around his neck, never breaking the kiss. 

I was surprisingly calm during the kiss, it felt so amazing.  

When he pulled away I was a little bit breathless and probably blushing.

We just smiled at each other and it was silent again until I decided to break it.

"C-Calum, I-I'm not good at, y-you know, talking about my feelings. B-But I like you, I hope you figured it out since I've k-kissed you back."

He laughed a little, "I'm not good at this either. I just know that I really like you and that, if you are okay with it, I want to take you on a date."

A date.

A date.

"A d-date? Like a real date? Only you and me?" I asked, still overwhelmed by the fact that Calum asked me out.

He nodded, "Yeah, I kind of planned something for Saturday, so, Michael, do you want to go on a date with me?"

I smiled.

And then I nodded.

**

I'm going on my first date.

With Calum.

I'm still not sure if all that really happened, the kiss still seems so unreal. 

I need to tell Luke about it. I need to tell him everything tomorrow.

Now I have to go to bed though, it's like 12:13am.

- Michael :)

 PS: I cant sleep, Calum won't leave my mind.