I wish I wasn't // Luke Hemmings

forty-eight

I drove to our home trying to figure out what I should say. 'Hey Luke can I come home?' No. That just sounds desperate. I must've sat for at least fifteen minutes in the parking lot trying to figure out what to say. "Just say hi." I said to myself as I looked at myself in the mirror.  I had makeup smeared all over my eyes, I was wearing one of Luke's t-shirts and a pair of black leggings and my pyjama slippers, my hair was pulled into a very messy high pony. I sighed, I should've checked the way I looked before I left but whatever, there was no turning back now, I needed Luke. More than ever.

I made my way to the second floor, apart number eight. I had only been in our house once before when Luke first brought me here. I stood outside the door with my hand on the door for what seemed like ages, "come on Emma, knock." I said quietly to myself as I knocked lightly on the door, knowing that wasn't loud enough for anyone to hear. I waited another five minutes before Ashton opened the door. "Emma?" He caught my attention. I hadn't seen him since he came to visit me at the hospital. He walked outside the house before shutting the door behind him. "Let's go somewhere." He said grabbing my wrist pulling me back down the stairs. "Get inside." He instructed as he got into his car.

"Where are we going?" I asked. "I wanted to talk to Luke." I told him. "I know." He said. "Ashton, what's wrong?" "Emma, Luke is in really bad shape right now." "I saw him yesterday." I told him. "I know." 

"I don't get it, where are you taking me? Where is Luke?" "We're going to buy flowers." He told me. "Flowers?" I asked. "Well did you bring any flowers?" He asked in return. "No.. but why do I need flowers?" "Luke likes flowers." He told me. "I don't understand." I said confused as he parked in front of the flower shop. "Just go buy some flowers Emma." He said handing me some money as I got out of the car. I didn't understand what he was doing but I just went with it. "Which ones?" I asked through the windows. "He likes red tulips." He told me.

I found a really pretty small bouquet of red tulips which were wrapped together with a small red ribbon. "Are these okay?" I asked as I got back into the the car. "Yeah, they're lovely." "Ashton?" I asked as he begun to drive again. "Can you go through McDonald's drive through, I really need some coffee." I told him. "Sure. So how have you been?" He asked making me sigh. "I've been better." I told him as I begun to fiddle with my wedding ring. "Is Luke okay?" I asked. "No, I've never seen him so.." He stopped talking trying to figure out a good word to use to describe Luke's feelings. "Empty." He decided on making me feel awful. "He cleared out the baby's room. There wasn't much to clean out but I had never seen him cry so much when he did clean it." He said pulling into the McDonald's drive through as I sighed. "I don't want you to feel bad Emma, none of this is your fault in any sort of way. I know you got hurt when you found out Kira, but he did want to tell you, for so long but he just didn't have the strength to do it. I know that's not an excuse, but it's Luke we're talking about. He's never been in love before and now look at him, married but he's still learning Emma." "Hi, welcome to McDonald's, can I take your order please?" The woman at the window asked, I was thankful for as I didn't have anything to say back to Ashton. "Two medium coffee's please." 

-

"I'm going to see Niall now. He has a date with that girl Jade so he wants me to help him pick an outfit out for tonight." Ashton told me as I got out of the car. "Alright, I'll see you later." I said as I was about to walk away. "And Ashton?" I said making him look back at me. "Thank you." 

I missed Niall, a lot. He had visited me nearly every single day since it happened, he'd let me cry and sleep on him as he would try and comfort me. But I missed him, hanging out with him, him telling me about his life and what not, I guess I've been so depressed about my baby, I've realised that there are so many people who care, and who will help me through anything. 

Ashton had given me his keys to the apartment so I didn't need to knock, he told me that Luke was most likely going to be in his bed or on the floor on in the toilet - I was hoping he was in bed. Luckily for me that is where he was. He was laid on his front so he didn't see me walk in. I noticed how there was a few frames his bedside table, one - a picture of me and him at our wedding, two - a picture of him and I on our first date and three, and picture of me. I listened to him as he breathed deeply making my heart hurt. I didn't know what to do or say to catch his attention, so I simply laid down next to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and buried my face in his shoulder. "Emma?" I heard him ask quietly. I looked up to see his face, his hair was messy as if just woke up, he had dark under eye circles like me and his eyes were red and watery. "Hi." I whispered not sure if he was happy that I was there or not. He sat up properly not taking his eyes off of mine, then taking my hand he pulled me up to sit with him, well he pulled me on to his lap. He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist holding me closely as I buried my face into his neck, taking in his scent making me feel as if I was finally got home. "I got you flowers." I told him quietly. "Really?" He asked confused. "Yeah, red tulips." I told him. "Ashton told me you like flowers." I told him making him laugh. "I didn't understand why." I said. "I don't understand either." He admitted kissing my cheek softly.

Luke and I did nothing for the rest of the day expect lay in each other's arms and occasionally cry. "I missed you so much baby." Luke said for what seemed like the millionth time, but it still hurt each time.

-

The next morning I woke up in the same position I fell asleep in. In Luke's arms. I woke up for the first time in thirty nine days feeling happy. Knowing that nothing could ever come between Luke and I. "Morning baby." Luke said sleepily, making my heart race. It was like the first time I had ever met him. "Lukey." I said rubbing our noses together as he ran his hands down my arms to intertwine our hands together. He flipped himself over so he was on top of me and our interlocked hands were above my head. "I love you Emma. I love you so much." He said closing the space between us by kissing me softly yet so passionately. The last time we kissed was at our wedding. I had missed this a lot, it felt so good. I could feel my stomach filling with butterflies as he kissed me harder, "let's go out for breakfast?" Someone said making me and Luke to let go of each other to see Ashton by the door smirking. "Ashton, you ruin everything!" Luke said throwing a pillow at him making Ashton laugh then leave the room. Luke turned back to look at me and smiled. "My baby." he said kissing me once again.

A/N:  it's not the ending yet, don't worry! Please vote and comment!