I wish I wasn't // Luke Hemmings

forty-eight

"Hey Emma? Harry's here to see you." Perrie said coming into the room I was staying in. It was the fifth time since the miscarriage he had come to visit me. "Hey Em, how are you?" Harry asked, I didn't turn around to see him. I was perfectly comfortable in the bed. "I'm fine." I said, what else was I supposed to say? I felt awful, hurt, depressed, heartbroken- "You don't need to lie to me Em." He said quietly. I felt him sit down on the bed next to me where I was laying down. "Luke told me he visited yesterday." He told me. "Why didn't you go back home?" He asked. "I don't know Harry." I said quietly. Luke begged me to come home yesterday, a part of me wanted to go, but a part of me told me not yet. I guess I listened to the second part of me. "He told me what happened. About Kira and Conor and Dylan." He said sounding unsure whether he should bring that up or not. "Conor and Dylan are in hospital." He continued sounding unsure. "Why?" I asked not sure whether I actually cared or not. "You know that guy Liam Payne? He did something really bad to them." "What did he do?" I asked. "He shot them both." He told me quietly making me frown and turn around to face him. "What? Why?" He shrugged. "How do you know this?" I asked. "Niall told me." "Niall?" "Yeah, Kira rung him because she was scared of what was happening so Niall went down there and saw it happening. Him and Kira broke up by the way. Luke told him the truth." "He did?" I asked smiling a little. "Yeah, it was about time he did." "Is Niall okay?" I asked. "Yeah, he's fine. He met some girl at the wedding. One of Luke's friends and they've been hanging out lately, she's really lovely." "What friend?" I asked. "Her name's Jade." "I know her, she pierced my nose for me." I said as we both went quiet. "How long did Luke stay for yesterday?" He asked. "Not long, I drove him back home and he asked me to come in but I said I was tired." "He's been really awful without you." He said quietly. "He has?" I asked as he nodded. "He misses you. He's been doing the exact same thing as you have, never getting out of bed." He sighed.

"Ashton's trying his best to get him out but he just doesn't want to." I felt my heart beginning to hurt. "I know it's been hard for you love, with the baby and finding out about Kira and whatever, but I think you and Luke need more than ever right now." I didn't say anything in reply as I knew he was right. "We start college next week Ems, it would be nice for you two to have a little time together as a married couple before we start. And we're all here for you Emma. All of us, we aren't going to leave you, we're going to help you through this." He said wrapping an arm around my shoulder. 

I closed my eyes remembering what happened in my previous dreams and how most of them came true when I remembered the part about Luke dying because Zayn was in love with me. "Fuck." I said quietly getting out of bed. "What's wrong?" Harry asked. "I need to go to Luke." I said as he begun to smile. "Go on then Emma!" He said as I grabbed my car keys. "Thank you Harry." I said quietly as I ran down the stairs and to my car.

Before going to Luke, I drove to Zayn's house. "Emma? Hello sweetie. How are you?" Zayn's mother opened the door for me. "Hi Trisha. I'm good thank you, is Zayn in?" "Yeah he's upstairs." She told me as I ran up the stairs to Zayn's room. I knocked waiting impatiently for him to open the door. "Emma?" He asked as he opened the door letting me into his room. There were boxes filled with his stuff as him and Perrie were planning to move into a dorm together. "How have you been?" He asked, he had visited me a couple of times since the miscarriage but I was too out of it to talk to anyone. "Good, yeah. How about you?" I asked. "Just packing really. Have you been getting better?" He asked as I nodded. "I need to ask you something." "Go ahead." "You're in love with Perrie right?" I asked making him frown. "What?" He asked. "Of course I am." He said still frowning in confusion. "You don't like me do you?" "Of course I like you, you're one of my best friends." "No, I mean you're not in love with me are you?" I asked making him laugh nervously. "No Emma, sorry." "You wouldn't kill Luke would you?" "What the hell Emma? Are you okay?" "Just answer me." "No Em, I wouldn't kill Luke." I sighed with relief. "Thank you." I said pulling him to hug me. "Are you okay Emma?" He asked rubbing my back gently. I let go of him and nodded. "I need to go now, but I'll visit soon yeah?" I said as I begun to walk towards the door. "Alright Ems, see you later."