I woke up this morning scared and sweaty. I had a really long, unbearable, scary dream last night that made me want to cry. Max kept licking my face since dogs sense when you're sad.
"Ray what's wrong baby?" August asked sitting up rubbing his face.
"Uh it's just really hot right now. I'm gonna go downstairs and cool off"
"Ight" I got up and walked downstairs to the living room with Max following me. I opened a window letting the cool early morning air blow in.
I made myself some tea and sat down in front of the window overwhelmed with my emotions. I thought these dreams stopped. I really did. If they continue August is going to ask questions. I can't just lie to him.
I closed my eyes leaning my head against the wall. I can't do this again. Go through the dreams, the headaches, waking up in the middle of the night, crying myself to sleep, getting asked tons of questions. I won't be able to go through it with two living human beings in my stomach.
I decided to do what I do best and clean the huge house taking all morning. When every corner in the whole house was spotless I made breakfast. I don't think I can keep being a vegetarian. These babies are demanding bacon, cheeseburgers, chicken, and everything else vegetarians can't eat. So I listened and made apple cinnamon pancakes, bacon and scrambled eggs.
I threw together a mixed berry smoothie then sat down eating my food still kind of nervous about my dream.
August walked in on the phone with his manager looking frustrated and kind of mad.
"You had me in everyday these past three weeks working overtime. My girl is pregnant and we got things to do.....Yeah.....No that's not what I'm saying.....Man aight I'll be there soon" He hung up and sat down eating his food.
"He wants you to work again?"
"Yeah his arrogant ass is on a fucking power trip. You sure you alright?"
"Mhm"
"Okay"
"Are you gonna do anything today?"
"Yeah my dad is picking me up and taking me to see my mom. Then Shalia, Kayla, Kechia, and me are going to buy some more things for after the babies are born"
"Sounds cool. I gotta go. See you tonight"
"Alright babe love you"
"Love you too" He gave me a kiss before leaving. I barely see him anymore. I went up to my room and took a quick shower forgetting about my traumatizing past for 15 minutes.
I wrapped a towel around my hair and got dressed in a black maxi skirt with a red sheer button up. I wore a black bandeau underneath it. Max ran in the closet and stole my hat out of my hand. He is too much. I chased him all the way to the basement and yanked it from his teeth out of breath. I think he likes to see me struggle.
I went back upstairs and straightened my hair. I put the red snapback on backwards along with red and black sandals. My dad called telling me he was outside so I went and got in his car.
He drove to the hospital and we both got visitor passes. In my mom's room it was freezing. As if she already died and her ghost was haunting the room.
"Mom it's okay. You can let go. I'm sorry and I hope you forgave me by now. You probably can't hear me but I love you and I forgave you. So could you forgive me?" I grabbed her hand and squeezed it gasping when the heart monitor flatlined.
No one even came in to help. I kissed her cheek and covered her face with the blanket. My hormones attacked and I exploded into tears. My dad hugged me for awhile letting me calm down. I called all my sisters and told them the news. Since I knew they wouldn't want to do anything today I called Mia.
