Radioactive (An Avengers Fanfic)

Chapter 22: The Life of a Dead Girl

Sorry for taking so long to update... again. I am such a terrible person, and I'm sorry for that >.<

Anyways, recently, I added "Entry created on:" bits to the beginning of the chapters. If you haven't seen them, don't worry. You don't need to go back and look. Basically, most chapters in the beginning were written on the same day. Then, in the more recent chapters, there were a few days in between. It's just a way for me to show that Lyla is having trouble sitting down and writing down some of the scariest things to ever happen to her.

The second part, as it is written by Devon, purposely doesn't flow as well. He's not really as into English, grammar, and writing as the girls are, so his POV fits accordingly. You might not notice it. You weren't really supposed to.

So yeah. Enjoy! - Maddie

-Entry created on: 6/18/2013-

Despite everything that happened while I was under that horrible spell, the scariest thing about it is the holes that are still in my memory. I know some of the things I did. They're horrifying. Things, even in my worst moments, I never would even dream of doing. Even so, what could have happened in the time I don't remember is what scares me the most.

There is a chunk missing from my memory, even now. From the first moments when Loki touched my chest and the spell set in to about three hours later is a blank in my mind. Little snippets of images are still there from that time, but they're blurry and unfocused, and quickly fading.

The first solid memory I have from being under is in a SHIELD training room. It must had been one of the ones taken by Loki - afterwards, I learned that he had taken three bases, just to keep SHIELD guessing.

"Try harder," Loki growled.

I... can't.

I can't do this.

-Entry created on: 6/21/2013-

Urm, hello there. Incase you were wondering, neither Ava or Lyla are writing this right now.

Lyla kinda had a break down the other day. She's alright now, but writing this stuff down is almost like accepting that it happened, and I don't think she's ready to do that yet.

I thought, though, that I'd give writing this a try. Might as well tell you what was going on on our end.

Everyone was frustrated and upset, and no one more than us. Us as in the Avengers, Ava, Matt, Leo, Jemma, Grant, and I.

"She can't be dead," Ava whispered.

The six of us 'kids' - as the members of the Avengers as been calling us lately - sat on a bench in what was Fitz and Simmons's make-shift lab / mind-f**k rehabilitation area.

"Ava..." Matt groaned.

I scratched at the back of my hand quietly, doing different simple multiplication problems in my head. It was something that always calmed me down, especially during stressful situations.

"You know what?" Ava suddenly stuck her head up, her voice dropping dangerously low. "I don't understand how you can be so insensitive right now. Lyla... Lyla was my best friend. We were supposed to do everything together. I loved...." She trailed off.

Tears began to flow down her face, and with a huff, she launched out of her seat and walked away.

Ava seemed really upset. I wanted to go and comfort her, I really did, but I'm not good with that kind of stuff. People, to me, are... Complicated. I don't get them the way I understand numbers. Numbers are constant. No matter how many times you multiply the same two numerals together, the product will always be the same. But, with people, there's no telling what could come out.

"This is all my fault," Jemma whispered horsely. "I killed her."

"No," Leo replied. "Jem, that wasn't you."

"Might has well been. When Loki attacked that compound... I was scared. I should of stood up to him, should have done something. I let him manipulate my emotions, and it got Lyla killed. I was such a coward," Jemma whispered.

I noticed something shift in Grant. I couldn't tell what it was. I still can't figure it out.

"I'm going to go make sure Ava's alright," Grant mumbled, walking out in the same direction Ava went.

Leo didn't drop what Jemma said. "Jemma Simmons, that was not your fault, and it never will be. Don't you dare pin this on yourself."

"Leo..."

"He's right. You're going to crush yourself if you pin this all on yourself. You can't do that," Matt added.

"Can I be left alone for a while? Please," Jemma responded camly after a moment.

Matt and Leo stood up and left. I was about to follow when Jemma broke into tears.

I froze.

The only reason I have as many friends as I do is because of Lyla. When I rambled about numbers, she listened. She always listens. Sometimes, when I'm not in the mood for talking, she'll talk to me. She helped me open up a bit more and connect with other people, like Ava and Matt.

So, after giving it a bit of thought, I tried to say what Lyla would.

"Lyla wouldn't blame you. Never, in a million years," I began slowly, not making eye contact.

Jemma looked up and quickly wiped her tears. "I thought you left."

Instead of replying to that, I continued what I was saying before. "And she'd probably go out of her way to help. She hates seeing people upset."

Jemma put her face in her hands. "She doesn't even know me. Not really."

"Doesn't matter. Lyla's great like that."

"Thanks, for that," Jemma smiled after a moment.

I smiled back and nodded, standing up to leave.

As I did, Grant ran back into the room. "Guys? Loki's attack is starting. We're headed to Boston."

I looked back at Jemma, who was wiping all of her tears and running over.

"What has he done?" Jemma asked frantically.

"He's taken over the State House. And you'll never guess who helped him."

THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER BEFORE THE FINAL BATTLE KICKS OFF! Next chapter, we'll catch back up with Lyla and the fight will start! You can expect that before Friday, most likely! I promise I won't leave you waiting too long!