Secretly Loving You (Lauren/You)

Chapter |17|

I think Y/n should wait more to get back together with Lauren? Yes? What are your opinions on this? What would you like to see happen?

Your point of view:

"Lauren..." A range of emotions flooded throughout me, anger, love, confusion, I wanted to kiss her again but I had remembered why I could not.  I shook my head no, before walking off the stage and handing Alisha the blind fold. I headed for the parking lot, tears building up in my eyes.

"Y/n, wait!" Lauren's raspy voice called after me as I heard her approach me. "Wait, please." She touched my hand but I had only pulled away.

"Why would you do that?" My voice had cracked, I turned to face her a few tears rolling down my cheeks.

"I saw you up there, Y/n. I saw people getting in line to kiss you and I couldn't bare the thought of anyone else kissing you besides myself, I am well aware that I sound selfish but at this point I really don't care. You weren't responding to any of my messages."

"So you thought it was a good idea to kiss me in front of god knows how many people?! For fuck sakes Lauren, you're constantly on my ass about if people were to find out about what ever the fuck this was and you just go and kiss me in front of people who could possibly go to the school I go to and where you work!" Lauren took a deep breath avoiding eye contact, I let out a scoff. "I clearly didn't and still don't want to talk to you, that is why I didn't respond to your messages."

"Hey, I was looking for you!" Kevin stated jogging up to Lauren and I. "Oh.. this probably isn't a good time, huh?"

I nodded my head slowly while wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, "I'll text you when we're done here." With that Kevin nodded his head and headed back to the event.

"You told him?" Her voice was soft, I couldn't tell if she was upset or not, I hate it when she closes her emotions off like that.

"Yes I did, I was hurting and he was there. He promised not to tell anyone, so don't lecture me about how he could tell someone because he won't. And I really don't need a lecture right now." I had said quietly.

Lauren sighed, reaching forward trying to wipe a tear off my cheek but I turned my head away. "I'm not going to lecture you. I just, Y/n, I haven't felt so empty before."

"Well, you can talk to your therapist about that. They work wonders." I husked bringing back my tough facade before crossing my arms in front of my chest.

How else am I supposed to act? She hurt me, I can't just act fine when I am not.

"I never meant to hurt you."

More tears built up in my eyes no matter how hard I tried to keep them from it, "Well you did, you really fucking hurt me."

"I'm sorry, I really am. Please just give me another chance, I want this. I want you." Lauren took a step closer to me. "I don't care about my job, I don't care about anything but you."

"You treated me so bad when you were breaking up with me, do you not realize how broken I felt?" My voice wavered.

"It hurt me too, Y/n. I didn't know how else to do it, I had to be cold.  I admit that it was wrong to do that, I regretted it right after I did. I lost you, the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want you back. I'm fighting for this. I am so fucking sorry."

"Yeah." Sniffing my nose I looked at my shoes then back up at Lauren.

"Will you please talk to me about this, please?"

I had shrugged, "Don't know what you want me to say?"

"How you feel?" She took a step closer, "We can't solve anything by not communicating."

"I'm hurting, Lauren. You took me out of a bad place and treated me with care only to be tossed out like what everyone has done to me."

"I feel like I keep hurting you, and for that I am truly sorry. And you're right, I should've been getting help for my issues because I do know they are there. I want to be better."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not okay. I need to change, are you done with us? I don't blame you if you are, I'm so fucked up." Now she was the one crying, I feel terrible.

"Please don't, don't cry." I wrapped my arms around her body giving her a hug, my god how good it felt to finally be able to hug her. Pulling away I looked up at her, wiping the few tears she had on her cheeks away before speaking. "I'm willing to think about it, okay?"

"Okay." Lauren nodded her head. "Take as much time as you need, okay?"

"Okay."

"But on a serious note, how'd you like the kiss?" She asked which made me laugh. "I'm serious."

"Go back to the event, Lo." I rolled my eyes playfully.

"Fine, but only if you will spend the rest of the evening with me."

"You know I can't, Lo. We can't be seen together." Lauren rested her head against my own, her hands on my waist.

"I miss you." Her warm minty breath brushed against my lips.

"I think we should be friends for now, I don't want to just jump right back into things. And I'm sorry if that was what you were hoping to get out of this." I admitted honestly.

"No, Y/n that's not what I was expecting at all. I realize I hurt you and if I have to earn back your trust, I will do that. But here's what I know, I want you. I really thought I lost you for forever. I'm willing to wait and take things slow until you are okay with taking this out of the friend zone." Looking into her beautiful green eyes I could tell that she was being truthful and meant every word that had left her mouth. "I'm not going to give up on this, I wasn't thinking. I want you, you make me so happy."

Clearing my throat I nodded my head, "I should um, get back to Kev." I ran a hand through my hair as I felt my cheeks heat up. "I'll see you in class." And with that I headed back to the event hoping that Kevin was still at the booth.