To Lee Jihoon | SoonHoon

86

To Lee Jihoon,

Some girl asked me out this morning. She looked really familiar, but I couldn't figure out how. Either way, I turned her down since...well I don't like girls in any way other than a completely platonic manner.

I felt a little bad though, she looked really excited.

Soonyoung

Day 86 – 6 June 2012

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I know I'm probably late for the whole Mental Health Awareness thing, but I just wanted to add something about it anyways..

If this kinda stuff makes you feel uncomfortable you don't have to read it, but I feel like I'm okay enough right now to share my own experience with mental health in some short summarized form.

I'm dealing with a lot of mental health stuff personally right now, but it IS getting better little by little. I still feel like shxt most days and some days I don't even want to think about getting out of bed, but there are still days when I feel like I can wake up and not worry about whether I'll ever feel completely happy for more than a moment. Those days are coming around a little more often which is good.

I recently (as in a month and a half ago) started going to a therapist after having one of the worst days in terms of mental health that I've had in a WHILE. Since then I learned a few things. The most important to me being:

1) I don't have depression, I have Cyclothymic Disorder, which is somewhere in between depression, bipolar II, and bipolar undefined.

2) 50% of people with this disorder are able to overcome it through treatment and never experience it again in their lives as long as nothing else traumatic triggers it to come back

3) Unrealted to my Cyclothymia, I'm vulnerable to codependency, yay *sarcasm*

4) Mental health diagnoses are only for insurance companies, they aren't negative or make you any less of who you are because a label can't change who you already are

It's going to take me a while, possibly my whole life, to be able to say that I am truly happy, but there's a chance and all I can do right now is hold onto that.

If you're feeling like nothing is worth it anymore or that you're never going to get better or feel happy again, you just have to hold onto the chance that one day you might. That's the best thing you can do.

It will get better, maybe not perfect, but better.

I know that all probably sounds cheesy and out of a therapy pamphlet, but it's true and I don't really care how it sounds lol

I hope you guys are happy and well right now and if you're not, I hope that you find yourself feeling better soon
I love you guys so much thank you for taking a little time to read this and my stories it means the world

~Min 💕💝