Dark Past (Gabentine fanfiction) #Wattys2018

•Chapter 30: Alone•

Clementine's POV:
I shivered as the cold winter air brushed against my fragile skin. I tried rubbing my hands together and hug myself to try to give some kind of warmth to my freezing body but even that wasn't enough to give me comfort.

Its already been 3 months since I left Richmond, but really I have no regrets about leaving whatsoever... or do I?

Maybe I do have a regret... but, what's pulling me back? I don't understand. I've been alone for years now. I should be able to get used to being alone by now.

As I walked another corner, with my knife still at my hand's grip and my gun by my holster, I checked to see if there are any undead walking around or any human trying to get by and pick up a fight with me, but I was left with nothing but a gentle breeze.

I sighed and started walking to wherever my legs may take me, or to try to look for a comfortable and warm place to shelter myself with.

I walked towards a door from an abandoned house that looked like it's pretty much falling apart but it's still kinda okay for me since I'm pretty desperate to find a shelter now I that I feel like I'm freezing to death.

I tried turning the knob, it was unlocked but the door still won't bulge open. I tried kicking it but not too hard to destroy the door, just enough to open a little gap that I can fit through. After minutes of trying to get the door open, I finally made a small gap and I squeezed myself inside. Once I was in, I saw that the door was being blocked by a couch and a rope was tied around the knob which made it harder for me to open it earlier.

I stood up and pushed the couch back to where it was before and afterwards, I started walking around, hoping to find some food.

Great. I'm freezing and starving, isn't this wonderful?

I entered the kitchen and tried the cabinets but there wasn't any food left, not even a can of beans. Next, I tried the fridge, which was a huge mistake since the stench of an uncleaned fridge hit my nose which was horrible. Honestly, I'd take walker guts on me everyday than to have that smell reach my nose ever again.

"Well, there's no food here." I told myself and tried to scavenge whatever's upstairs.

As I reached the second floor, I was greeted by comic books which was scattered on the floor and a huge can of pudding (obviously empty) by a corner.

My stomach started growling, and the sound of my hunger was the only audible sound that could be heard in the house I'm staying in.

Well, I'm obviously not getting any food tonight.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek but I quickly wiped it away and shook my head, telling myself that it can't be helped. If this is me without Aj, how much worse could it be once I get him back?

I have no shelter to offer, no food, a minimum protection and I have no idea what I'm gonna do now that I feel so isolated by myself.

I didn't even realised it but I was already on the ground, hugging my knees and sobbing but for me, as long as nobody could see me looking like this, I think I'm fine with crying.

Crying... when was the last time I cried? When was the last time I felt so vulnerable? When was the last time I felt so soft? And why is this happening while nobody's around to comfort me?

Don't get me wrong, I hate it when people see my crying. It makes me feel weak and I feel like they pity me which is an awful feeling. Being pitied was the last thing I ever want but at the same time, I also wanted someone to be here. I wan't to hug someone, I want to cling to someone and tell them my problems but I have nobody.

I have no one now. I'm all alone.

"Just leave me the hell alone, Gabe!"
"I'll stay."
"Get the hell away from me, Gabe."
"You need someone with you."
"I don't need you! I've been fine on my own and I will always be fine, with or without you."

Am I? Am I fine? Am I okay with just talking to myself? Am I okay everytime I feel depressed because I have no one with me?

I act all tough and strong and I face everyone with this stern, cold and serious face but really, all I ever want is to feel normal again.

I want to feel happy, I want to feel free, I want to feel like I child again— and when was the last time I felt that way?

—with Gabe.

The world is so ugly and rotten and everyone's killing each other but when I'm with him, he made me feel like the world isn't so bad. He made me enjoy the little things in life. Playing tag, playing euchre, playing on the playground, like what kids would do.

I'm 13, but this world made me act like I'm 21. If people think I like that, they got it wrong.

All I ever wanted was to feel like my age.

All I want right now is to have him by my side again, and tell me that everything is going to be okay. I just want Gabe here.

That's my regret, not being able to tell him that I would miss him, because right now, I miss him so bad.

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I finally updated ya'll :))
-J