Don't Say Anything

11. I'm Just Curious

I grab her notes and textbooks and wonder how she carries the weight of a baby elephant to all of her classes everyday. Her promise to be silent looks like it's killing her as she follows me through the side door. I never have anyone over and Ethan always brings people in through the front door so this side one always stays unlocked. As soon as we're inside, I put her books down in the living room and sit on the couch.

"Do you, uhhh, want something to drink or something?" I ask as she stands awkwardly in the door frame. I don't know what I'm supposed to do when people are in my house. Drinking seems like a logical thing. She points to her lips and shrugs her shoulders.

"Oh, sorry. You can talk now."

"Will! This house is absolutely-"

"Not about the house," I say and she looks a little annoyed but she's still smiling.

"I would love a water." I get up from the couch and motion for her to follow me two rooms over to the kitchen.

"Do you import your water from the Caribbean Islands?" She asks as I go into the fridge.

"Very funny smart ass," I say as I throw her a bottle and take one out for myself.

"Am I really not allowed to ask you anything?" She studies the granite counter tops and racks of wine bottles like she's never seen a damn kitchen before.

"Nope," I say popping the 'p' at the end. I love her frustration.

"Come on Will. I'm serious. You can't just bring me to your castle-house and expect me to just pretend like it's no big deal."

"Because it's not a big deal," I say and she tilts her head to the side giving me big eyes.

"Cute faces don't work on me, Rosie," she furrows her eyebrows together at the name and opens her water bottle.

"I'll let you get away with that one if you explain just the very basic reasons for you living in house that could double as a bed and breakfast for ten families," she says and I roll my eyes.

"Ethan owns all the Hilton Hotels in America. There's like a couple thousand of them or something."

"Is that your brother?" She asks completely engrossed in what I'm saying.

"I don't have any siblings," I simply state.

"Then who is he?"

"He's Leah's boyfriend."

"Who's Leah?" She doesn't give up does she? I sigh and drink the rest of the water in the bottle. I want to say "mind your own fucking business" but I promised myself that I would try to control myself. I walk over to the fridge and grab another water. I think it's getting hotter in here. Or I just can't stop sweating.

"I at least should know who you lives in the house I'm standing in," she says trying to make the conversation lighter. It doesn't feel any lighter though. It feels like a thousand pounds and I can barely stand on my feet. Does she not realize how hard this whole 'opening up to people' thing is for me?

"Is she like your babysitter?" She asks and I actually laugh a little.

"Basically," I say a little out of breath. I should be comfortable here. It is my house. I should be comfortable telling someone about my family. It's no big deal. Fuck. I haven't been like this in years. What is she doing to me?

"She's.." I try to take a few more gulps of water and realize it's empty. I throw it away and rest my arms on the island where Jessi is leaning. "She's..."

Jessi's small hands reach out and cover my fidgeting ones. I look up into her blue eyes. I can see them searching mine and I hope she doesn't find anything. Nothing breaks me. But I didn't realize how hard it is for me to trust people, even with the simplest of information, until now. I hope she doesn't see right through me.

"You don't have to tell me anything," she says and squeezes my hands slightly. "Let's go study." She picks up her water and I follow her into the living room. Relief takes over by body, but also guilt. She doesn't have to know all my secrets, but I can't keep her in the dark from whose house she's in.

"She's my Mom, I guess." Jessi looks up at me in silence waiting to see if I'll continue. "You can just call her Leah though. But, yeah, she's my Mom. She's been dating Ethan for at least four years I think. My Dad lives somewhere in southern California. I haven't talked to him in... in a while. Leah loves art, like me, so that's why we moved here to North Carolina. LA is too commercialized." Once I start, it all flows out. "So Ethan and Leah live on the north side of the house and I live on the south side. We share the kitchen but they hardly use it. So just don't go past the kitchen." I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding in.

"I won't," she says with a smile that makes me feel proud of myself. Those thousand pounds on my back was just cut in half. No one knows anything past my first and last name in this state. Well, no one except her now, and she doesn't push me any farther.

"If you fail Business Analysis, Professor Moore is going to kill me." And with that, any personal talk stops.

I want to tell her not to tell anyone, but something tells me I don't have to. I'm safe with her. 

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