The Cute Weird Boy Will Be Mine (BoyxBoy) (Sugar Baby)

Chapter Twenty-Two

The Cute Weird Boy Will Be Mine

June 6th 2013

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Chapter Twenty-Two - Felix Zimmerman

Today, there was just a list of things I didn't want to do.

I did not want to leave my bed.

I did not want to leave my room.

I did not want to attend school.

And I most certainly did not want to see Ridley.

I had manage to get away with not attending school yesterday; even though Grams knew I hadn't been sick, but she allowed me to stay home and I knew I couldn't ask her if I could stay home again today. She would become even more worried about me and I didn't want that. She had enough on her plate without me adding more. So, like every weekday, I got ready for school. I ate breakfast with Grams, had her tell me how handsome I looked and then kissed her on her withering cheek before I departed from the house and started on my trek to school.

It was bright outside today, not a single cloud in sight and the sun shined bright in the sky. It should have been a mood booster—it wasn't. It might as well been stormy clouds and heavy rain.

I didn't even want to be outside.

I wanted to go back home and hideaway in my bedroom, wrapped up in all my blankets like a burrito on my bed while watching Youtube. But I couldn't do that my whole life...right? I shook the thought away, straightening up my posture and picked up my pace. I had to stop feeling so sorry for myself, it's what would lead me into a depression.

I had to think happy thoughts, like uh... Dang it, I was seriously drawing a blank on happy thoughts. But that was totally fine. Yeah, it was fine because I could just pretend to be happy today and not think about Ridley's relationship with Scarlett and how he kissed me while in said relationship.

Business relationship. My mind supplied with a little too much snark and while I understood it was a business relationship, it was still a relationship non the less. I was smart enough to know better than to get involved with a guy who was in a very, very public relationship.

I've watched enough movies to know it wouldn't be smooth sailing for me or Ridley or Scarlett.

May not be smooth sailing but you would have gotten to be with the guy of your dreams. Literal dreams. My mind threw back and heck, talk about the angel and devil on your shoulder. The devilish part of me wanted to throw caution into the wind and just be with Ridley and turn my back on all the backlash that would come from being with him but the angelic part of me knew, if I gave into my desires, it would ruin me.

Ridley would ruin me.

I didn't even understand why he would want to be with me in the first place. He could have anyone. Someone who didn't have Autism. Someone who was drop-dead gorgeous, smart, successful, belonged in the spotlight and most importantly actually had self esteem. I deflated from my straight posture and my pace slowed. I tightened my grip on the straps of my backpack, clenching the fabric between my fingers so hard my knuckles turned white.

The depression was seeping it's way inside me. I hadn't felt this bad for myself in so long. I had been doing so good and now this whole thing with Ridley was setting me back.

Happy thoughts, just think happy thoughts. That was so much easier said then done, especially when my mind was clouded with Ridley King.

Approaching the school didn't make me feel any better. Students were bustling around, either minding their business or mingling in with their groups of friends. I kept my eyes alert for any sign of Wind, Ryder or Carmen as I weaved my way through the crowds, heading for the entrance of the building but the sound of a loud engine startled me.