All Night || d.t

Changes

*Your POV*

After four months everything goes a little better and even faster than before. I'm already used to this all. I'm mostly working in the club with the girls and we're very close.

Dancing on the pole in lingerie in front of guys is still making me uncomfortable and I'm still a little shy but I'm not the only one who's doing that. I love how comfortable and confident the girls are about this all.

I wish I could be like them and make this all even easier for myself.. I'm learning from them and it's not that bad since I'm not doing as much as they are doing.

I'm only dancing and sometimes taking over the shifts of one of the waitresses. Thankfully I'm not doing these disgusting things that I don't even want to think about.

They do their bests to keep me from doing that stuff. I really appreciate that. We're making a lot of money and sometimes after everybody leaves we play poker for fun. They taught me how it goes and it's a lot of fun.

And this time I'm not lying to myself.. I kinda did find peace.. of course I miss my family like crazy.. every day.. I think about them every day and hope that they are fine and don't miss me too much..

It makes me sad but I'm not complaining about the life that I have right now. That's how it has to be. I feel better with thinking less.

In my free time I study or read and give red hair the money that I earn so he can buy me more books. My room is filled with books and pencils and clothes and things that make me feel more comfortable.

I have cute lights and some stuffed animals and a big mirror. I'm in love with my room. It's not as cold as it's been before.

It's totally personalized and I feel very well in it. I don't want to run away, escape and go back like I wanted the first days.

I'm more calm now. I really miss my friends and family but I'm better here.. of course I didn't forget what happened in the past but this all is helping me to forget it.

I'm fine. I'm really fine. I'm not lying to myself anymore and I started to be myself. I left everything behind me and started all over. It's not as bad as I thought.

Being here, doing these dirty jobs.. I don't even care anymore if people would judge me for that. Living without being afraid what people could think about me is a good feeling that I don't want to lose. Everybody here is the same I don't want to go back anymore.

I also got new tattoos.. I counted them. Thirty seven. I'm kinda obsessed. They look prettier and cooler than I thought. I have some on my thighs, arms, hips, under my boobs, on my shoulder, chest and neck.

I'm planning to get more. Maybe I'll cover my whole body with some pretty stuff. It's not hurting anymore. I got used to it.

Red hair is mean as always. Maybe even meaner and colder but I'm already used to that as well. He's probably the only one who's confusing me although the confused Y/N doesn't exists anymore.

I finally know what I want and I'm pleased with myself. But he does confuse me. Sometimes he looks at me like he knows what I'm feeling.. like he knows what I want.

He gives me good vibes and I feel this warm feeling all over my body. He makes me feel comfortable. There are moments where I feel it getting warmer between us.

Sometimes he makes me believe that he does have a heart and that we could actually have fun together (we really do have fun together sometimes) and then there are nights where I don't even see him.. talk to him, think about him or do anything else that has something to do with him... where he's cold and doesn't talk to me or makes me even cry.