R5 Imagines

Riker imagine: For Iona (Back To December)

(I got another song request, this time it was for Back To December. Sorry it's kind of long, there is a lot to fit in there. Okie dokie, enjoy!)

You wipe the tears out of your eyes the best that you can before he comes. You put your phone down so you can go freshen up, the last thing you need is for him to see how worked up you have been over this. You plan on letting him know you made a mistake but he doesn't need to see the way it's been eating you alive for the past 5 months, the way you have had countless sleepless nights replaying that night in your head over and over again.

You try to clean up around the dark house, as you do this you think back on all the good times you guys had. Numerous summer days and nights spent in each others arms, talking about anything and everything. When you would watch him from the passenger seat of his car and admire the way his eyes scrunch up when he laughs. 

You remember the exact moment you realized you loved him. It was the moment you walked away from him. You could have gone running back to him but your pride got the best of you and you didn't let yourself. You dropped the roses he gave you and left them there to rot in the pouring rain, now regretting every part of that night.

Tears start to slowly roll down your cheeks again but you wipe them away, knowing he would be here any second. A few quiet moments pass and you hear a knock at the door; it's time. 

Hesitantly you slowly walk over to the door, halfway excited to see him, halfway dreading the confrontation. You open the door and see almost a different person standing in front of you. He looks older, as if he has matured immensely within the last 5 months. His scruff has grown out and he keeps his hair messier. He looks as though he has grown a few inches as well. You wanted to see that incredibly sweet smile again, but you knew better than that. Awkward situations like this never start with a smile.

"Hey," you say shakily and almost inaudibly. You motion him to come in and he does so, his eyes not leaving you. The air in the room feels thick and you wonder if he can feel it too. You both walk to the table in the kitchen and have a seat, preparing for the best and the worst to happen.

"Um," you say, wanted to get right to it, "thanks for meeting me, I know you're really busy with the band and everything." 

"You know I will always make time for you, Iona," he replies, "what did you need to talk to me about?"

You open your mouth to say what you have been planning to say for weeks now, but you chicken out last minute. "Uhm, I just wanted to catch up," you lamely state the excuse, "how's life and your family and everyone?" 

You can tell he knows that is not why he came here; he has that kind of connection with you even after all this time. He answers your questions anyway, seeming careful about what he says. His guard is still up and as much as you wish it weren't true, you know it's all because of what happened that night.

After a good 10 minutes of small talk you suddenly decide it's time to swallow your pride and get to the point. "Okay, Riker," you blurt out a bit more urgently than you meant to sound, "small talk wasn't what you came here for, you deserve an explanation." 

"I didn't think that was what this was about," he says with a slight chuckle and your heart skips a beat, you missed that giggle he used to constantly do when he was around you.

"It's about that night," that's all you had to say for him to understand what you were talking about. You hate the look of discomfort he has but this needs to be said.

"I'm so sorry for any and all pain I caused you from that stupid mistake I made that night," you continue, "I thought that letting you go would be good for both of us. I thought you could go on tour and not have to worry about keeping up with a girlfriend the entire time, and I thought me having that sort of freedom would keep me from getting hurt." 

Riker listens to you intently, soaking in each word you said. He nods, gesturing for you to continue.

"But, the moment I walked away from you that night was the moment I realized what a mistake I made. It became worse as time went on, I realized that the only thing that "freedom" did for me was make me miss you even more. I then realized that I took you for granted, I didn't realize how fortunate I was to have you in my life until you were gone." you go on, feeling a ginormous weight slowly being lifted off of you with each confession.

"I wanted to call you. God, I wanted to call you so bad, every day, every second I thought about calling you and begging you for forgiveness. I couldn't though. I saw how happy you looked in all the tour pictures. I couldn't bring myself to take that away from you, no matter how much I wanted to. And when your birthday came I spent all day, as well as the week leading up to it, thinking about whether or not to call you. I decided it would be too painful so I voted against it, causing even more regret." You feel like you are taking too long with this, although Riker doesn't seem bored with it.

"So to wrap up what I'm saying," you say with a sigh, "is that I'm so sorry for that night. I miss you, I miss your smile and your laugh and how we used to talk for hours on end and I miss when I could call you mine. I would love to give us another chance and I know it's probably just a crazy idea because I don't see how you could ever forgive me for that but I needed to tell you this." You end with a deep breath and wait for a reply with a heart beating 6 times faster than it should.

"Iona," he grabs your hands gently, "I can't tell you how how much I have missed you. Every day on tour I have thought about you. With every song I played, every note I sang, every breath I took; my thoughts were just consumed by you." A part of you feels happy to hear him say this but you can feel a downhill spiral coming.

"And yet throughout all the pain and the suffering I still loved you, and I always will." he admits, "I would love to give this a second chance but I can't jump into it."

"I completely get it," you nod in understanding. But he isn't finished.

"I want to get to know you all over again. Then maybe we can do this. But for now I am still hurt and it is going to take some time. But I would definitely like to start over." he finishes and you nod once again.

"Sounds perfect," you reply with a smile and he does the same. Your stomach gets butterflies as you look at that smile again, the smile that you missed so much for the past few months.

This whole thing didn't exactly go as ideally as you wanted, but it is definitely a good enough start.