Suffering {COMPLETED}

Everything is gonna be alright

April pov

I was finally out of Rehab. Been in there for about 9 months, I finished my last 6 that I had. As soon as I got out John was there for me. He took me home to get my things. I felt refreshed, and being with the kids warmed my heart. John was taking me somewhere; although I wanted to go back to my home he had something else planned.

I talked to my mother Bestfriend, she really helped me come to realization that if my mom was here she wouldn't want me to give up on everything. Same when I lost my parents she reminded me to be strong and do it for them, so that's exactly what I'm doing. My mother wouldn't want to see me in a bed dying, wouldn't want to burry me, taking advantage of John and leaving him.

"John, can I speak to you?"
"Of course." He smiled and took my hand in his. "Are you mad at me?"
"I'm not mad, I was frustrated with you. But I'm fine and right now we just need to get away, free our minds."
"Thank you for-everything." I smiled.
"You're welcome." He kissed my lips and grabbed my body up. He laid me on the bed and kissed on my neck.
"John we just got here let's wait on this."
"Fine, let's eat." He smiled and took my pants off, "John.." I laughed.
I got up and he took my hand. We went to the kitchen and he began to order something. "No, I'll cook for you."
"I don't want you doing anything and I don't feel like cooking...pizza?" He smiled. "I guess."

"I don't want you to worry about anything, nothing. I want you to clear your mind. Me and you, You and me." He pulls me between his legs and holding my waist. "Yeah." I smiled rubbing his back.

~

"Hmm, yellow." I smiled. "Y-E-L-L-O-W. Pick a number." He said.
"4."
He was playing with a cootie catcher he made and "You will be with me forever!" He laughed. "Did you write that on every single one of those?" I laughed grabbing it from his hands. "Umm no." He smiled. I looked inside and he did. "I am going to be with you forever."
"But you tried to divorce me.."
"Doesn't mean I would of left you, I wanted you to be with a woman who makes you happy. I was fucked up in the head and still is."
"So, we made vows..we made promises. Through everything, sickness...health..." he played with my fingers looking down. "I was gonna be right there." He whispered.

I looked at him and stayed quiet.

We waited for the pizza's arrival we ate little snacks and talked on the couch in the meantime.
"I don't mean to rush anything, I'm simply just asking. And if you don't want to answer it it's fine, I just want to know and if you think it's too early for me to ask just stop me." He said.
I motioned him to continue as I ate. "Are we done with our family? Like, as in having more? Even if it's just one or two, I just want to know if you do..."
I cleaned my mouth with the napkin and chewed everything up before speaking. "I haven't gave children any thought. I think the Triplets are enough and J was enough."
"But-"
"I know she is, but it's enough..." I cut him off.
"Well can you just look at this picture. I know I said it, but I just want to know."
He tried to show me a picture, but I looked away. I already felt my body about to explode. My eyes full, my breathing becoming shallow. "Calm down, April."
Like a tunnel vision, when I felt John hands on me all that went away. "Calm down, it's okay...just look at it."
"I can't..." I said lowly trying not to cry. He placed it in my lap and I looked at it and got up. "Stop it! Why are you doing this?! Why are you showing me it?! You know I can't stand it!!"
"You said you were over it and I really just need to sit down and talk to you about it. We need to talk about this.."
"She's gone and leave it at that."
"I want you to say it with me...it's not my fault..."
I stayed silent. "Say it, look at it..I won't even know if you truly found peace with yourself and her death."
I sat down and grabbed the picture..."Its not my fault-" long pause...
"Nobody is blaming you, we're here for you, and everything will be alright...I have found my peace, I can say it's all over, I won't  panic when I see my daughter, I've found p-p-peace, it's not my f-fault." I looked at John with tears in my eyes, "I did it." I said softly, "I said it all without panicking."
He pulled me into his arms and let me cry.

"I want you to say this everyday until you can say it with ease." He kissed my head and rocked me slowly. "Not to torture you or anything, but I want you to get better, and our relationship."

I wiped my face and kept holding on to him. He laid me down still holding me. "The food is here, I'll be back." He got up and went somewhere.

I sat there and looked at the picture. I got up and placed it away. "You got this April, it's going to be alright." I told myself breathing in and out slowly. I got up with the box in my hand "Can we eat outside?" I asked. "Yeah." He smiled. We walked out to the front porch sitting on the couch. "This is a really nice resort, small but nice."
"I forgot you like it big."
"Well no, it's fine baby. I like it like this."
I grabbed a slice and he did too. "I'm proud of you. You've been through a lot, you fell a few times, but you picked yourself up and did well. I'm always here for you..always." He smiled. I looked at his body, nice toned muscles and holding a pizza was such a turn on.
I sat my pizza down in the box closing it back up. I crawled onto his lap and pulled my shirt off. "Maybe, we could...or I could just-" he kissed my lips and I don't even know what he did with his food, but his hands ran all over my body.

I looked at him and stopped. "What's wrong?" He asked. "I don't know if I'm ready for all this yet.."
"You did come on to me..and I dropped my pizza for you." He laughed.
"I'll take it slowly, nice and easy." He stood up and went back inside and to the bedroom we went.

He kissed my neck rubbing my pearl making me moan. I wrapped my arms around him smiling, his breathe I could feel on my skin, he took his shirt off and just looked at me. Then at his phone, that sat on the small table we had next to the bed. "What is it?" I asked sitting up. He picked up his phone and looked at the message. "The news?" He said. I sat up and stood beside him. "That's your mother, it could be the kids or something." I hurried to the living room and turned the tv on quickly. "4.." I hurried and I looked up to see John and myself.

"Seems like one of them could possibly be in rehab. No source has been yet told of what is going on, but lately we have seen them come in and out. So, whatever could be going looks like one of them is getting rehab." The lady said with a huge smile on her face.
"Well, I think it might John. He's been through tons of women, could be another crazy chick might need some help." The guy said making them give off a soft chuckle.
"But he has kids? With who?"
"The one he's with now. Probably 3 different women though."

I turned it off and rolled my eyes. "Good fucking night."

John pov

I watched her storm off back to the bedroom. Sick of these damn people always worrying about my relationship.
I was just about to get me some and this shit just-

I rolled my eyes and went to the bedroom and cuddle up with April.
"Get off of me." She nudge me away, so I just moved. "I love you." I said.
"I love you too." She Mumbled turning towards me and laying on my chest.
Things are a lot harder when your wife is bipolar, you have to make sure you keep her calm and in a good mood can be hard with the media around. She can have as many disorders, health problems, whatever it may be. Doesn't make me wanna love her any less, makes me love her even more because I'm all she have.

Just one more, ok I'm done for now ;)