Suffering {COMPLETED}

Too much to bare

~Few days later~

April pov

I was finishing up some coding for our new software, me and my team. But, as usual I was always the last one there. No matter how many times we checked it, I wanted to make sure it was right.
"Baby, come on it's times to go."
"Ok, I'm almost finish." I smiled and kept on.
"Ok see I'm all done now!" I shut down everything and got up walking over to the door. "Thank you." I smiled as John put my jacket around me. "It's chilly out there." He said grabbing my purse and we headed out.

His hand on my lower back we hopped into our car. Today, John had our driver drive us to our meeting, with some person John would not tell me because it's a surprise.
"Honey, can you please put the phone down."
"John I have to get this done."
"Baby, the code is running fine. Why do you keep messing with it?" He grabbed the phone and kissed my lips before I could say anything. "I don't need you stressing right now please just calm down." He pecked my bottom lip and his eyes opened and he looked at me.
"Ok John goodness." I giggled.

The car came to a stop and I got out and John holding my hand. I turned to him and he held my waist. "Are you serious?!" I asked lowly. "What?"
"That's freaking Christian Louboutin."
"I know, baby somebody gotta model new shoes. But I'm not gonna spoil anything come on babe."

We waved at the cameras and eased on inside. "Hello Christian, how are you this evening?"
"I'm fine thank you." He shook John hand and looked over at me. "This must be April? How are you darling?"
"I'm fine thank you, and yourself?"
"Amazing, please have a seat."

We sat down and John rubbed my thigh making me smile calming my nerves. "Now, I've seen you in the media and everything, but John contacted me about you and you look even better in person. I was looking for new models, he insisted you and your little Triplets."
He looked at me, and I let out a soft laugh. "Yeah that's fine with me. And my kids would like that. Hopefully." I smiled.
"Fantastic!" He waved his hand in the air and a guy came over with a few drinks. We all grabbed one and clinked our glasses together. "I'm going to turn you into a star April, with the help of your husband."
I looked down and tugged a smile on across my face. I didn't want to be a star, but I'll tell John that privately.

~Very next day

"Yes this way! Natural face! Perfect!"
I posed on and on. I don't wear makeup, but John made me. Was I not pretty enough? What was wrong with my bare face? My face is pretty much clear, I eat fruit and veggies like crazy, so why do I have to wear a stack of makeup?

"April, can you-" he pointed at me and a lady walked up to me and opened my blouse. No questions, just do. Just do it April.

"John, head on in."

He pulled me by the waist and he kissed my neck with his hand on my thigh. "I thought we were doing this with the kids?" I said lowly.
"And we will, but this is our time."
"We were suppose to do it with the dress that you had, and your tux."
"Not right now."

"John, lets have you come off a little bit and you just act like you're about to pull her to you."

He stepped off and did as told. I looked him in the eyes and smiled, then it faded away into a lip bite.

~

"You did wonderful, can't wait to work with your little ones soon. Thank you." He smiled. "No problem." I shook his hand and headed to my dressing room.
I immediately took everything off and back into my clothes.
I grabbed my things and headed out. He can smile and laugh all he want, but I didn't want none of this.

I decided to walk around and it's crazy how paparazzi can find you.
"Excuse me."
"April, how is it working for Christian?"
I just kept walking, but the crowd was becoming a little too much. I pushed a reporter onto the ground and I swear I was about to spaz out. "Get out of my face, I asked nicely! I'm a woman and your pushing up all against me! I'm trying to get out of here and you're constantly in my face with that damn camera! Fuck off!"

Everybody moved away, and they looked at me. "Stop recording me, keep the cameras off of me! I'm human too, stop harassing with questions stay away from me." My voice cracked and I wiped my face from the tears that had fell. I hurried off and went to a lady who look pretty nice. "Hi, I'm April and I wondering if I could get a ride home."
"You're omg yes!"
She scurried and we hopped in.

"Thank you so much, it was nice talking to you." I gave her a $100 and waved.

"Where the hell have you been?!" John yelled. "You've been gone for a good minute. We don't live too far from our job! And what the hell is this?! Do you not know these people can sue you?"
I took a deep breathe and sat everything down. "I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but ever since we had a argument over some damn makeup your've been-" he waved his hand off and walked away.

I want to go...I don't want to be here.

I looked at the tv and there I was. John came back and the kids came to me.
"Hi! Mommy!" They said together running to me and hugging my leg. "Hi, how are you babies?" I squatted down and gave them kisses. "Good."  They smiled.
I rubbed their heads and rubbed their backs. "Go play, while I talk to mommy ok?"
They ran over to the couch and grabbed a snack from the table.
"You're lucky he doesn't want to sue you for what you did, look." He showed me a post.

"Don't blame her for pushing me, I was in the wrong. I was doing a little too much, so she had every right to push me. I'm sorry Mrs.Carter, I was wrong. I take full responsibility to making her go through that. I'm sorry."

"I understand you have some issues and I'm not trying to put that on you or anything, but that was crazy. Why did you even leave?!" He rolled his eyes and walks off to the couch.

I walked over to him and laid in his lap with my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and the kids cuddled in as well.

Nobody is ever gonna understand what is happening to me even if I tried to explain. It's just more medicine, or therapy. You can't stop my issues, you can't stop the voice....because it's haunting me like crazy. And I'm trying to keep it together.