Have a Little Hope

11. Have a Little Strawberry Picking Fun

So this is my favourite chapter yet :P Let me know what you think as always...go on, you know you want to ;) xoxo

I’m currently lounging on Cole’s bed the next day. We’ve not spoken about the awkwardness at dinner with his friends yesterday evening, which is a relief because I am quite content today and don’t want to bring up my dad again. Apparently, his friends felt bad for not knowing about my relation to Cole, which makes me feel less dramatic about walking out.  

Cole’s currently editing some of his photos on his Macbook as I am lying on his bed.

‘What’s this?’ I ask, pulling out a handwritten piece of paper tucked under a book beside his bed on his bedside cabinet. I raise an eyebrow, wondering if he wants me to read it. It could be too personal. He walks over to his bed and sits beside me. He nods for me to look, so I open it up and notice his legible and original penmanship. It’s very manly and square shaped, I’m sure the way you write is meant to mean something about your character. The heading is Bucket List and I query this, before he explains that it’s a list of things he wants to do.

‘Before you die?’ I finish off bluntly and then regret saying anything.

‘Well, kind of. I didn’t think I’d end up getting a heart and I thought I wasn’t going to live much longer.’

It tugs at my heart hearing him speak like this and skim down the list. I’ve not thought about what could have happened if my dad didn’t die, I don’t want to think about such morbid thoughts, especially when Cole makes me feel so much more content.

‘When did you write it?’

‘It’s been a work in progress since I was 17. It took a backseat once I hit nineteen though and couldn’t do a lot due to my heart. Mum wasn’t willing to let me go out much.’

I read through the list, smiling at the things he has already accomplished and ticked off of his list; which is a hell of a lot, much more than I have ever done.

‘I’ve got pictures of me doing them all as well. You want to see?’

I nod eagerly as he brings out his thick photo album of his entire bucket list photos in number order. ‘OCD much?’ I tease, as I flick through the book. Cole is incredibly and unfairly photogenic and I smile as I see them all dated with little mementos written or stuck in beside the photo.

I skim through the book before looking back at the long list and notice there is a substantial amount he still wants to do. He’s done so much more than me in life; it makes me feel incredibly unfulfilled and worthless to be honest with you. Maybe if I knew death was imminent I’d react differently and cease opportunities I’ve said no to? Some of the things he wants to do make me laugh and also make me want to do them too.

I read through the list and a few stand out to me. Get married being one of them. It makes me feel rather sad to think that he could have died without getting married, because isn’t that like the most important thing for people to do in life? A few numbers down, he’s scribbled have kids and a question mark beside it. I frown slightly, thinking he probably didn’t think that one would be possible. I continue to look, noting how he also wants to run a marathon, go on a hot air balloon, to the smaller things like get a tattoo or go to the cinema on his own and buy a large coke, popcorn and sweets just because he can.

‘I definitely want to go strawberry picking,’ I tell him, seeing number 57 on his list. That is a pretty original one to have on there, and it immediately makes me want to do it. ‘We should go today and bring Jennifer along with us,’ I suggest eagerly.

Cole looks up at me. ‘Yeah?’

I nod impatiently and allow Cole to haul me up from his bed, and then following him downstairs to see Willa making cakes with Jennifer.