I'll wait...✅

18

I felt his warm pair of lips on mine and felt as if my heart had stopped. Butterflies exploding in my stomach and my mind was taken away. I could've pushed him away, but that will result in me pushing my self out exposing to the man out there, and half of myself doesn't want to push away.

His eyes closed as he absorbed himself into the kiss while my eyes were open and shocked. I didn't know how to respond... Was I suppose to kiss him back? Will it mean anything?

I nervously clutched on the sides of his shirt as I was losing breath. His kiss turned very intense, well.. Intense for me. But the next second... A flash of him having a girlfriend flashed in my head as It showed a naked girl waiting for him.... Shocked I pushed away immediately as I felt like someone just shot me with a gun.

I fell out of the closet and panted hard. I couldn't catch my breath and this feeling inside me was making me sad? Mad? Annoyed? Triggered? I don't know. But I didn't like the feeling... Also... I didn't notice this but... I felt guilty.... So guilty... My hands were shaking... My heart was beating super fast. I had I even breaths and I was unbalanced.

He was out of breaths also. He was just as shocked as I was. With his eyes widen, his mouth gape. His hair messy.
When I look at him I felt guiltier, and I could feel my heart rotting away. Why did it hurt to kiss him?

I didn't know why, but I felt tears on its way down my warm cheeks and I couldn't bare the feeling of being guilty.

"Y-you h-have a g-girlfriend." I manage to say while I lean against the wall for support.

He looked at me in a gaze then he said a simple...

" I'm sorry."

A tear rolled down my cheek as his words hurt me in so many ways. And the worst part about the pain was that I didn't know the reason why... Why did it hurt!?

As soon as he saw my tears he widen his eyes even more... I closed my eyes tightly as a flash hits my mind again....
And this time... It was him.... Holding my hand at the hospital.... Then... It was him with her.... Smiling.... Laughing.. Hugging... And it hurts so bad... Why did I have this feeling that the girl had to be me...? Why am I jealous?

I shook my head as I opened my eyes  to see him already engulfing me in a hug.

" I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He repeated a thousand times.

I tried to back away as his arms tighten.

" s-stop!" I cried.

He shook his head.

" stop it!" I shout louder as I pushed his body with all the energy I had left.

His pale face, his soft eyes and his expression was making everything so hard for me.

" just... Stop!" I cried as I fell down on my knees.

" I can't take this... I-it's too much for me." I cried on the floor, gripping my chest.

" I'm so sorry! I never mean for it to happen!" He said as it just kills me more.

" you have a girlfriend...and your happy with her am I right?" I asked sobbing like there's no tomorrow...

" I-I don't know." He backs away. Afraid what I was going to say next.

" I remember..." I shook my head lowly on the ground.

" I remember Jungkook." I wiped my tears.

I pushed my limp body off the ground as I leaned on the wall.

" please.... Leave me alone.... Okay?" I pleaded as I back away to my apartment door.

He shook his head as I see tears at the brim of his eyes...

" no. Anything but that." He cried.

" I-I can't bare to see you in that situation again!" He shouts as he came to me again, gripping on my forearms.

" just ignore me!" I shouted back.

" HOW!?" He cried front of my eyes... His tears pains me...

" how can I ignore you, when all I can remember is that it was my fault that Jimin had to come over that night?!?HOW CAN I WHEN I BUSTED YOUR DOOR OPEN AND SAW YOU LYING ON YOUR COUCH BARELY HANGING ON TO YOUR BREATH!!!! HUH!? TELL ME HOW!?" He sobbed loudly as he spoke.

I was speechless.

His head dropped down to my collarbone and he rest his head there while he sobs.

" I can't take the image again... I can you like that again... So please..." He hugged me tightly.

I was shaking.. So much... So much emotions flowing through me all at once...

" hear me out please... I beg of you." He silently sobbed as he dropped down onto his knees, hugging my legs.

I closed my eyes tightly as I bit my lower lips..

" f-fine." I said as I wiped my tears.

" I'll hear you out." I say as I see his head lifting up.

~ in my apartment~

" yooni" he spoke softly as he held my hands in his.

I looked into his red puffy eyes...

" I know that you like me. I don't know why but my feelings are complicated...I don't know what to feel. But trust me... You are important to me. Very! But I just don't know what to feel. Jinso had been there for me, for a very long time. She was there ever since the beginning. She is my first love.." His words stabbed me like a knife.

" I can't leave her behind... She means much to me... But you... You are different. I need you in my life... Without you I'd be lost." He said with pleading eyes.

" please try to understand me." He kissed my hands.

I didnt know what to say... I was hurt... Very hurt...

I closed my eyes for a long time... And soon enough when I was prepared to speak up... I did.

" I'll wait."

"Huh?" He looked in my eyes.

" even if you don't feel the same... I'll wait... Wait u till you do...."