I'll wait...✅

13

I forgot to breathe when he told me that...
But, why would I be important when he has jinso....

I turned my head to the side and wanted to ignore him. My heart was beating rapidly and it was from him saying those words... I can't handle it.. If it becomes more..

" stop lying to yourself.... Stop lying to me." I sighed as I held back the tears by biting my lower lips as hard as I can.

There was a moment of silence..

" fine." He says.

He pulls me out of the hug but still had his arms around my waist loosely.

" I'll be honest. I don't like it when you always need me for emergency. I don't feel comfortable living with you. I feel weird when I'm with you and I don't like the feeling. We're always awkward... We're always different." He says breathing the last words....he looks into my eyes intensively trying to find an answer or some sort of sign. My feelings were obviously hurt. Also my heart was not only shattered but destroyed entirely.

" but... I can't live without you..." He put his head against mine... My breath hitched. My arms on his shoulders gripped it tighter.

" I-I can't.... If I lose you.....( he closes his eyes) I feel like I will lose myself....." He hugs me again, putting his face at the crook of my neck, gently hugging me with a warm squeeze.

I was speechless. I didn't know how to respond. I didn't want to respond either. Lose himself? Why? How?

" I feel like if I don't at least see your face once everyday.... I feel like I'll go crazy. The days that you shut yourself from me... Was the most terrifying day ever." He choked on his own tears as they flow down onto my hospital gown.

" the way your tears run down your face when I held you. The way you just close they door on me... " he hugs me tighter.

" it drowns me in my own fear. My life. I've never been this afraid to lose someone before." He say softly against my ear.

I closed my eyes tight. I didn't want to open them. I want to listen to his words, even if he is saying things that rips my heart.... I just want to listen to his soft voice that is trembling with fear. His arms hugged mine tightly. He sniffed in my shoulder.

Jungkook moved his head back and forth, snuggling in my neck. Our bodies match like a puzzle piece, his soft cries at my shoulders makes me weak for him. He held on to me like I was the only thing that kept him alive.

Should I trust his words?

Or....

Should I just forget him?

But how can I? How can I forget him when he is on my mind 24/7? How am I going to get rid of these feelings for him? I'm a disgusting person.... He doesn't look at me like a women.... Like his lover... But he looks at me as if I was important. I cherish that, I really do... But I don't know, if I keep on seeing him.... I don't know if I can hold back my selfish self. I'm afraid I can't stop my self from doing something bad. I feel like if I continue.... I will go crazy jealous over jinso, I might do something I'll regret....

I love him.... I really do.

I rather take all the pain in the world... I can do whatever but this pain in my heart will keep on throbbing, and my mind will keep spinning... And one day.... I might just collapse... And never wake up from the pure darkness that haunts me every night.

.
.
I'm scared...

I'm terrified....

But what can I do? He needs me the most, yet he doesn't feel the same as me.