Once We Were Real

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

This is not a suicidal note,

I know everyone wants the best for me pero kung pipilitin ko rin ang sarili kong maging okay at masaya sa lahat ng pagkakataon, hindi magiging okay ang lahat. Akala kasi nila, kilala na nila ako from inside and out pero ano nga bang alam nila sa akin? Kilala lang nila ako bilang Leanne Jaisee Decena and beyond that, wala na.

Mom & Dad, I know you care, I know you are. I know you love me, everyone knows that. I know you were trying your best to give me what I deserve but the question is, did I deserve all the thing you gave to me? I love you, but if things hasn't go the way you wanted, I know an answer to end it.

Larrione, kuya, I know you did your duty bilang isang kapatid. I know you've been through worst, same as you, I know the feeling of what you went. I'm also sorry for what I did, to you and your family. It is hard for me to stand until to this day, well, who knows until when we have a good talk again.

Loira, you've been a good sister to me. Truly. Kahit na minsan hindi maganda ang relationship nating dalawa, you still had a way para magka-ayos tayong dalawa. You did your duty, you're a good sister for me. Same as to kuya Larrione, I am sorry.

Lexus, big brother, ew, since we always have each other. Minsan—madalas, tayong dalawa na lang din ang nagkakaintindihan. You tried your best para maging okay ako, alam kong gusto mo lang ako maging okay kaya ikaw mismo ay nag-iisip ng paraan para maging okay ang lahat. Kahit na ang gulo mo minsan, nakakaasar at laging pasaway. Huy, the best ka pa rin sa akin.

Eria & Dexter, thanks for being a good room mate, we know we didn't end things peacefully but we can still be friends.

Workmates, I don't know all about you guys but I know we did something great together, thank you.

Harvin, you became someone whom I didn't even notice to have a bigger part of my life. But the thing is, hindi ko inisip 'yon, hindi ko inisip na magiging tayo. Alam kong alam mo ang sakit ko, alam kong naiintindihan mo ako. Masaya ka naman diba? Kahit pinipilit mo na maging okay tayong dalawa pero ako itong nilalayo ka sa buhay ko. Masakit—hindi ko alam kung kanino sa atin pero sa tingin ko. Mas magigig masaya ka pa sa buhay mo. Nandiyan si Anaries, sana maging masaya kayo.

You've been asking yourself, is this a goodbye note?

No, I was just expressing myself.

It is easy for me.

There may be a goodbye—might not happen, but who knows, an unpredictable happen of when.

-Leanne Jaisee Decena

By the way, this is not a love story.