Once We Were Real

Simula

Simula

I've ever dreamed once that we could be real, that anything can happen in any way I wanted but for some reason, the way that I wanted would never happen. You know why, because there was never you in my life and mine on yours. There's a thin line between us, keeps us separating apart, even if I wanted to take all those barriers that's keeping me from you, I can't take it all off.

Just to see you was enough, that's all I can do.

And then I almost did everything to get to you, but every time something happens, my mind never forget any bit of it, if it's bad or not, it still haunts me, and so I ended up, hoping that once we could be real.

"Leanne," napatingin naman ako sa harap ng pinto, boses iyon ng roommate ko. "May bisita ka, papasukin ko ba?"

Nanatili naman akong tahimik, hindi ko alam kung sasagutin ko ba siya o magtutulog-tulogan na lang? Hindi ko pa rin kayang humarap sa ibang tao, minsan nga kahit ang roommate ko ay tinataboy ko dahil gusto kong mapag-isa pero minsan, hinahanap hanap ko rin ang presensya nila. Hindi ko alam sa sarili ko, masyado akong nakukulong sa isipan ko.

"Sino?" tanong ko, hindi ako mapapanatag kung hindi ko malalaman kung sino iyon. Lagi na lang.

Ang akalain kong si Eria ang sasagot, hindi pala.

"Leanne, it's me, Harvin."

Nang marinig ko ang boses niya, nanginig ako nang mapakinggan ko muli iyon. Pero hindi ko mailabas kung ano itong nararamdaman ko. Nakakainis dahil kahit sarili ko, hindi ko maipaliwanag kung bakit ganito ang nangyayari.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?"

"Hindi mo ba ko gustong makita?"

Nanatili akong tahimik.

"I wanna see you Leanne," anito, pinipigilan ko naman ang sarili kong bumaba ng kama. "I miss you so much."

"Then be it, that's what you are Harvin, you left people who really cares for you. You make me believe we could be together. I really thought you are the one, but I was totally wrong for choosing you, for falling for you—"

"Leanne, no, I do love you—"

"Stop, Harvin, I don't wanna hear any more from you, we ended what we have when you stop believing in us. You know atleast—" I tried not to crack my voice, I shouldn't. I am strong without him... wow, strong. "once, we became real..."

"What? No, what we have is real, Leanne..."

"No, Harvin, we became real when you left m-me." fuck. I took a deep breath and keeping myself to cry like a baby but my chest tightening that might burst out in any seconds, I tried to compose myself, "go away, Harvin..."

"I need you Leanne..." and when he said those words, I heard closes of doors, sense that he left the room. He's good at that though. Hindi ko alam kung bakit niya ginawa iyon sa akin, ang laki ng pag-asa ko na may magandang mangyayari sa amin but it ended up nothing.

I got a panic attack but no one was here to keep me calm, and so I help myself to calm, I'm so over with this. I needed people to come with me, even when I don't know them but they don't even care and so the people who was there for me, I pushes away because sometimes, you need people who doesn't know you well.

Well for myself, I don't know how to keep on going when everything basically judge me for who I am.