Once We Were Real

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Normally, when people outgrew their fear, they can be whoever they want and do whatever they like because they had this saying on themselves that you only live once, yes it is, so that whatever comes cross to their mind, they ended up doing it, sometimes stupid or so. Well, I just hope, I did turn out something just like that.

I was afraid of things, sometimes, even the small argument I can't handle. Always kept me in tears, trying to get sympathize because that's all I need, people around me.

And so I have this thing in me that whatever I wanted to do, whomever I wanted to talked to, I ended up, getting up all night thinking what just happened. They call it an anxiety disorder but some people don't mind it. They don't think it's serious. I was just making things up.

"Ley," napalingon naman ako ng tawagin ni Eria, "pupunta ako ng grocery, may ipapasabay ka ba? Or anything?"

Tumango naman ako sa kanya, tumayo ako sa kinauupuan ko at kinuha ko iyong listahan sa fridge magnet. Inabot ko naman iyon sa kanya pati na rin ang pera na pambili doon.

"Sure, ito lang papabili mo?" muli naman akong tumango sa kanya. "Okay, laters." Aniya saka dumiretsyo palabas ng pinto.

Eria comes here first sa dorm, I became independent just to prove myself na kaya kong mag-isa without my parents support but still I ended up with a roommate and a weekly allowance from my parents. I'm trying to find some jobs—online. Yes, kinda bit hopeless. Eria told me na mas mataas ang chance for an applicant kapag face to face interview. Sure it'll do pero hindi kasi ako sanay humarap sa ibang tao. Frankly, it took me a whole week para magkaroon kami ng maayos na conversation ni Eria. Sometimes, I just give her a nod and head shake. She's patience with me, but she doesn't know why am I like this.

I finished up my breakfast, I just took cereal because I'm still learning to cook. Yes, being independent doesn't seem to be so good. But I have to be something, something that doesn't cage up into the circle of life.

After I washed the plates and utensils, I ran back to my desk and open my laptop. I check my emails, if there's a news to the jobs I tried getting into but they doesn't seem like to have me. I was home-schooled from elementary to college, noong nasa kindergarten pa ako, I'm out of focus, I had no confidence in myself lalo na noong gusto nila akong ipasok sa isang school, I refused because that's all the nightmare comes from but when I heard in some people, you can make good memories there. Sometimes, I don't care, but most of the time, I do.

I took a deep sighed when there's no hope finding jobs online. There's nothing to be amaze on my resume, just good credentials but when they knew I was homeschooled, totally they backed out. No experience from the real world, just the teacher and me.

I sat beside the window, seeing the people outside makes me wanted to hang out with them. Ni hindi pa nga ako nakakapunta sa Friday night outs, sinubukan ni Eria na yayain ako pero hindi naman ako sumasama even if I wanted to.

Mayamaya lamang ay may kumatok sa pintuan, nagtaka naman ako dahil mukhang ang bilis naman ni Eria makabalik dahil minsan—madalas ay dumadaan pa sa ibang store iyon at uuwi na may ibang dala na bukod sa ipinunta niya talaga. Tumuloy naman ako sa pinto para pagbuksan siya, wait, nakalimutan ba niya susi niya?

"Eria?" tawag ko pa dito, "naiwan ko ba—" sa pagbukas ko naman ng pinto ay natigil ako sa pagsasalita ko at nanlaki  na lang ang mata ko sa kanya. Halos ako sa kinatatayuan ko.

"No, it's not Eria, it's her boyfriend." Sagot naman nito sa akin. Tumango na lang din naman ako sabay yuko, mga ilang minuto rin kaming nakaganoon nang magsalita muli siya. "oh, Eria's out for a grocery but she said I could straight here."