Once We Were Real

Chapter 16

Napatayo naman si ate Loira sa kinauupuan niya, "how can you say that? How can you believe that everything happens in our life is a failure? That is why you won't get out of your head! Ang kitid mo mag-isip!"

"That is because no one really care for what I think! No one!"

Nang bumukas ang pinto, bigla namang pumagitna sa amin si kuya Larry.

"Stop this, ano ba kayong dalawa? Nag-aaway ba kayo?" hinarap naman ni kuya si ate, bumalik naman ako sa kama ko, inabot ko naman ang inhaler ko. Bago pa lumabas si ate ay kinuha niya 'yong tray saka siya tuluyang lumabas. Humarap naman sa akin si kuya Larry, "what's with it, Leanne? Bakit kayo nagsisigawan ng ate mo?"

I shook my head.

No more talks like this. Nagsasawa na ako dahil kahit anong gawin kong paliwanag, hinding hindi nila makukuha 'yong point ko.

"Leave me alone kuya..."

Umiling naman siya, "no, I won't, I wanna have a talk, please..."

"Say what you want, go on..."

"You know what we want on you, right?" tanong niya, tumango na lang din naman ako. "We're your family, our purpose is to help each other, I know I've done something wrong for the past years, I admit that but I don't regret what's happening to me when I'm inside the inside. There's a lot of reason, many thoughts that goes into my head and that gives me one hope that everything will be alright..."

Napangisi naman ako sa sinabi ni kuya, "you were just telling me to get my ass over my ass at the rehab. You are all the same, no one really cares for me."

"Ley, have you understand what I said?"

I look at him, "no, actually, I don't give a fuck."

"Please don't make this hard."

"It was never easy for me, kuya. All through the days, I've been trying to keep my mind open. The numbness, the darkness those are the factors whose covering me. I'm crawling, but I'm too tired..." when my tears fall, naramdaman ko na lang ang yakap ni kuya sa akin.

"I do understand what you've been going through, Ley, inside the prison. I suffered from depression—"

"Guess that it's part of the family—" I said.

"Maybe, but I didn't keep myself being swallowed by the darkness, they say death is only answer to escape from the pain but it won't, there's always a light at the end. You might not see it now, but you can, just like you said, you're too tired crawling... stand up, run and get away from it..."

"If that was so easy..."

"I know it's hard, but we'll keep it at pace." He patted my shoulder, "why don't you join us at dinner, later?"

I look at him, he look so pleased but somehow I manage to give him a nod.

"We'll cook your favorite." Aniya saka siya tuluyang lumabas ng kwarto. "Don't forget, you don't have to smile to anyone..."

Habang nag-aayos naman ako, nakatingin lang ako sa salamin ko. Kung titingnan ako, parang normal lang. Walang inaalala, walang problema, mukhang masaya naman, nasa magandang pamilya, nasa estado ng buhay na hindi kinakailangan maghirap. Kung iisipin, the perfection suits myself. Ang hindi ko lang makita, hindi ko makitang suot suot ang mga salitang sinasabi sa akin.

Mayamaya lamang ay may kumatok sa pinto, dumiretsyo ito sa may cr kung nasaan ako. Si Lexus lang pala.

"Bakit?" tanong ko naman sa kanya.