Chew ✔

•15•

I stare back at my mom whose lower lip is quivering.

"I don't have an eating disorder," I say plainly. "I'm a guy."

"A misconception actually," Dr.Reese says, "1 in 3 people who develop an eating disorder will be males, but many of them won't receive treatment."

"I'm fine," I say slowly. "I guess I just overdid it at the gym. I'll stop." I start to pull off my IV when my dad puts out a hand halting me.

"Will." He says seriously. He kneels down until his grey eyes are looking into mine. "We're going to get you help."

My heart plummets to the ground. My dad doesn't actually believe this bullshit right? I don't need help, I don't have a fucking eating disorder.

"I'm fine," I say, louder now.

"You're currently weighing in at 135 with a height of 6'4," Dr.Reese says. "That is an extremely low BMI for a person your age and size. You should be weighing in at 190- which you did last year."

"I'm fine," I repeat again. Why couldn't they get it through their thick skulls? I don't. need. help.

"Will. You need to trust us babe-" My mom whispers in a tight voice. She's holding back tears. "We want you to get better."

I sink back into my bed, my head pounding. "I want to go home."

"You will when you get healthy." She promises, kissing the top of my head.

"Okay," I say- because I'm too tired to protest.

...

"We're just gonna run a few tests," Dr.Reese says later in the day.

I nod my head. I'll do anything if it means getting out of here.

I sit up on my bed, my heart racing from just the slight exertion.

My parents are sitting down, watching nervously. I look away unable to face their burning gazes.

Dr.Reese tests my reflexes, which I can tell by his frown aren't the greatest.

He lay's me down, and pushes down on my stomach. I immediately winced in pain. Another frown.

"Does that hurt?" He asks.

I shake my head, my teeth gritted as I lied through the pain.

He asks me a few questions which I answer easily. How many times I exercised, how long I exercised, how many times did I eat- all that bullshit.

"Do you restrict your calorie intake?"

"Nope."

"Tooth decay hints that you purge Will. Is that true?"

I don't have the energy to make up another lie. "Mhmm."

Dr.Reese widens his eyes, "Okay- how many times would you say you do that?" He scribbles down on his clipboard.

"Not a lot I guess, just when I go over my calorie-" I stop myself. Fuck, great I just got caught lying.

My mom chokes back a sob, and I close my eyes. Guilt fills my body.

"Whats your calorie 'limit.'" Dr.Reese says raising an eyebrow.

"1,000," I whisper.

He nods and writes it down too.

He admits me to inpatient without hesitation.

...

"You need to eat Will." My mom says she stares down at the plate in front of me.

Chicken, fruit, a vanilla pudding cup, and a bottle of Ensure, a weight gaining drink.I can't bring myself to eat it. The smell is nauseating. There's no chance of purging or hiding the food, so I just push the platter away.

"Goddammit Will- eat the fucking food!" My dad snaps, a second later his face pales.

"Go, Ray, just go." My mom says with thin lips.

"Can you try the fruit?"

No response.

I'm not trying to be a burden.

I just can't.

...

Two day's later and Dr.Reese is in my room again.

"Not eating kid?" He asks staring at me with a sad smile.

I turn away.

"You have to eat."

Silence.

...

I get tubed a few hours later.

I barely fight it.

What's the point anymore?

The tubes uncomfortable, and I hate it- but it's force-feeding me about 1,500 calories.

The thought makes me want to gag.

Mom cries a lot, but she's always there beside me when I need her.

...

"Mom."

It's getting dark out, she puts down her book and smiles up at me.

"Yes, babe?"

"I'm sorry."

Her eyes fill with tears, "Nothing to be sorry for." She whispers thickly.

"I'm ruining everyone's lives."

"No your not."

I scoot over and she lays beside me, an arm around me as I shrink into her.

I've never felt so pathetic in my whole life.

"Things will get better." She promises. "You'll get better."

I doubt it.

"I should have been there for you." Mom whispers. "I let my boy down."

No, I let myself down.

I should have never gotten to this point. I should not have ever gotten caught,

I have failed myself.