Saving our souls (ON HOLD)

Chapter 12- stone.

Loosening my tie I made my over to the sheltered bench at the end of the garden, the tranquil evening, was one to admire, that I did. I so cherish my life. Ironically, I fumbled in my pockets and before long I took a satisfying drag from my cigarette, when I’m stressed cigarettes seemingly become an unconscious extension of my hand.

Then I tried to organize my thoughts, seeking control

So Monty’s dad was a character, that’s for sure, what a dick…

I wonder if grace was ok, and Monty, and the others acting as though tense but expectant of Andrew

But then after thinking about them I almost startled myself as I noticed my reflection in the pond next to me.

So much had changed.

I’d been in this village for nearly two months.  Shit, two whole months. Eight weeks and I still didn’t know what to do.

Where was my father? I knew he was looking for me. And the whole time of me mooning around with no plans I realised now that it had been a waste of time because being here and caring and loving these people way wrong, I was only gunna leave soon, I shouldn’t even be getting involved with Robyn, or wondering if grace would be ok, o whatever the fuck was happening, all this time of wasted care, I was only going to leave a scar, like always, out of place.

My face hardened and me shoulders were so tense and stiff I was sure I could barely breathe. How could I let myself get so attached?

My time was running out, there was still so much I needed to learn and understand.

But now I was here, having fun and I just didn’t want to leave.

Should I get out while I can?

Maybe after the holiday, just a few more weeks of care free then I would go.

I promise.

 Leaning against the stone wall a tossed the remainder of the cigarette to the ground with a purpose mimicking my resolve.

I scrubbed my hand over my clenched jaw. Why did everything always have to be such a mess?

“I wish I knew the answer to that” Sighed Robyn silkily from behind me.

I almost jumped at the sound of her; then I felt ridiculous for saying that aloud, I’m definitely going crazy.

“Maybe, who knows” I turned to face her this time mentally hitting myself for making another stupid remark outside my head, damn.

She inched impossible closer, we were shoulder to shoulder, elbow to elbow.

“I’d like to think I was the good kind of crazy” I murmured. 

It was too hard to stifle my urge for more contact, to reach out on her hips drag them to mine and kiss her until I had no breath in my lungs, till I was dizzy, I wanted more, more, more of her, every intoxicating millimetre of the glorious creature she was.

But this was all a weakness, and I didn’t need another one, so why didn’t I push her away when she subconsciously leaned into me?

Why, why, why? That’s all I ever ask myself, but for the next few weeks I wouldn’t even try to answer it, it was a waste of time.

“You’re the good kind of anything” She replied

I snorted- “cool pick up line you dork”    I said, knocking her head lightly with mine.

She chuckled lightly, “I’m very cool, what can I say?”

In a flash I turned, slapping my hands on the cold stone wall either side of her head, trapping her in-between me.

Her breathing hitched and her cheeks flushed, even I could see in the dark when the silvery moon cast a shimmering veil across her face heightening her beauty if that was even possible. I was stunned, simply breath taken at the delicate sight before my eyes.

“Cool? I would describe you more as hot” I whispered my warm breath dancing at the hollow of her ear. I couldn’t describe my satisfaction when she leaned closer to me and shuddered

Her pale hands fisted, grabbing onto my shirt as she bit her lip.

“Oh Robyn, don’t bite your lip, I can do that for you” I smirked down at her, my playful words, not disguising the urgency in my eyes.

She hugged me, and laughed.

We both laughed manically as he clutched onto each other, as if for dear life.

Blissful minutes passed where my deep rumbling laughter mingled magically with her snorting, beautiful guffaw. Our shoulders became weak with glee, but we were giddy and out tears of mirth streaked across our cheeks, we were gasping for breath now, still with strange gurgling laughing sounds coming from us.

We still had our hands firmly wrapped around each other, supporting each other’s weight as we acted like five year olds on a sugar high.

“Oh man, you are so cheesy” she grinned, and I just nodded in earnest.

“I do like a bit of cheddar, you know me” I returned.

She frowned lightly, a slight crease marred in-between her brow, but a faint smile still graced her lips as I bent my head so our foreheads touched.

“I don’t know you properly yet though”

I smoothed out the frown gently with the tips of my finger.

“We’ve got plenty of time.” I assured with half the truth.

She sighed but nodded nonetheless.

“We should go”

“the boys are probably looking for us” she said but the continued “ but I don’t want to, I hate these formal things, I used to enjoy them so, so much, but now I hate the suffocating pressure of it all!”

And I finished the sentence for her, understanding.

“Everyone calculating you up as they stare, and wonder and know, and gossip-  but we‘re together so we can do this” I smiled comfortingly at her, squeezing her hand as we weaved our way back into the great inside.

I loved referring to us as a ’we’, Robyn and I.

The warm air and soft classical music blasted us as we reached the house.

Monty and Benson had their heads bent together as they were deep in a heated discussion at the very corner of the room sheltered somewhat by an ice sculpture.

As we approached Monty’s head snapped up his fire-glazed eyes glaring at our joined hands, I squeezed hers tighter, frowning.

We smiled at our friends, closing the distance in a few strides, Robyn ambling alongside me.

“What’s up? You look like you’ve seen a ghost” I demanded, questioning Monty.

Then finally Benson turned to face me- No laughter etched his features. His complete stance was rigid.

A hollow haunted look painted across his eyes.

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so this is it, sorry it short, ram drma drama to come!! what is going on oooooooooooh? i really hope you like please tel me your thoughts or if there are any specific mistakes as like always i havent edited it, sorry, I love you guys though :-)

enjoy!

- Mariam xx